Lent: So Glad It Only Comes Once a Year

For several years running I gave up complaining for Lent. It took me that long to do it right. I gave up complaining out loud two years in a row. After that I worked on quieting the inner complaints. Last year I gave up complaining to God Himself. The habit of grousing has its back broken enough after all that hard work that I am able to nip it in the bud with just a little effort whenever I notice myself falling into it again. I developed a new improved habit to replace it. Moving on. I want more of that!

Next!

For various reasons, I decided to give up the façade of toughness that is my habitual response to the pains and arrows of the world. Toughness is not a sin, no. Nor is a shell around one's softer spots a bad idea. The only problem is when the habit of relying on a tough outer coating interferes with other strategies that are just as necessary to a happy and healthy life. I was finding I had more faith in my ability to protect myself from Life than in God's desire to give me what is good for me. When that habit of relying on myself superseded a reliance on God, it became disordered. 

I am disordered when I habitually use my wit to distract with laughter those who stumble uncomfortably close to the truths of me. I am disordered when I selfishly wield my Socratic questioning skills to open up the other person and use their natural desire to talk about themselves as a shield to hide myself behind. My barbed snark is the final weapon and it proves fatal to any budding friendship not healthy enough to live until the apology can take the sting out of the wound and stop the hemorrhage. Wit, getting others to talk, and sarcasm are not inherent evils. They are talents that can be invested badly, invested well, or buried in the ground. 

I've not buried them. For the most part I use them well. Yet, they are also part of the armor I use to keep this Hermit Crab crabby. As weapons, they are offensive, and in matters of the heart friendly fire wounds deepest. My heart has long stopped needing such a vigorous guard since I am better able to discriminate friend from foe. This Lent my guard is called to stand down and accept new orders. The Medic has been called.

I won't go into the details of how hard a Lent this has been. Let me say vaguely that I am battle weary from fighting off friend and foe and now I must engage against myself. Let me protest that my old wounds have scars that open up when pulled in a new direction. The barest hint of fresh air on that sort of thing stings and smarts and makes me wish I'd left well enough alone. Finally, let me say it's been a heartache, of course. Heart surgery hurts. The stone must be crushed and crumbled and removed before the heart of flesh can beat again. I am mixing my metaphors and yet I am still ending this paragraph. See? A certain amount of hardness can be used for good.

Here we are three days into Lent and I am exhausted and beyond my strength. I have Confessed and been shriven and admonished with the phrase, "You do not trust in God enough." I was assigned a penance to last all through Lent, too. God isn't kidding around! And just when I was thinking, "Well, I asked for this. Time to buckle down to it." I got hit with a nasty cold and an ear infection. I've had more than enough already, thank you. 

Time to rely solely on the only thing that is ever reliable: the only Person who is ever reliable.

Jesus, I trust in You. 37 days and counting. 

Good thing I haven't given up complaining this year.

Sackcloth and Ashes

One of the nice things about having a blog is that you get to stand on a soap box any time you get an urge to string more than 140 characters together. So, I’d like to take a moment to pretend all the network and cable media are out there listening so that I may educate them about what they either do not know, don’t care to know, or pretend not to know: the Catholic Church is not a political entity or a democracy. It is neither a denomination nor a bunch of sinless saints either, though that last one is something it really ought to be.

No, the Church, most closely, is a family, a big one. The members, past, present, and future are in various stages of sanctity from the most depraved sinner who refuses to step foot in the door, to the grossest hypocrite enthroned in the pew front and center, to the saintly old lady offering her sufferings unnoticed from the back pew.

Like any large family we squabble. This one with the beam blinding him wants to take the mote out of that one's eye. You know how it goes. Some of us are best buddies, some of us best enemies, and some of us just can't stand sitting in the same car with others of us, much less the same pew. "His politics are touching me!"

The only thing we have in common is Christ, the Eucharist. Well, Him and sin. We all fall short in some way and we all need Him. I guess that makes three things we have in common. But that's it.

I forgot the other Sacraments. We have Baptism in common and Marriage, Confirmation, Last Rites, Holy Orders, and Confession. Some of us really need to make that list way more common, but I digress.

We don't even speak the same language, aside from Latin, so it really is hard for us to have a decent conversation across the dinner table or the Altar. Who needs it anyway? We go to Mass to hear, not to be heard, so really, that's not as big a problem as it could be.

Our biggest problem is ourselves, that "falling short” business. Our second biggest problem is that whole “bear wrongs patiently” injunction. Nobody but a saint could manage that with people like *insert name here* around.

Oh. Right. Sainthood. Holiness. That’s what we’re supposed to be shooting for. That’s that mark we keep on missing.

Which brings us to today. It’s that time again, time for repentance. It’s time to fast, rend our garments, get all ashy and penitent. Yes, my sweet Evangelical friends, of course we could do this any time and on our own initiative just like David did. We can also do it when the Powers That Be call us to do it just like Nineveh did. Or we could do it this way, too, the way most of us are much more likely to do it, just like our elder brothers and sisters, the Jewish faithful, do each year, we can be called to a scheduled and seasonal ritual of repentance.

Which brings us to Mass and Ashes today and you, my usual audience of people who read to the last paragraph or so. You’re used to endurance, so this season may just be your kind of thing. This year it you may be called to offer up your regular seat and parking space to someone new showing up for their Ashes. You may be called to offer up the knee jerk response of jerks just because our faith happens to be in the news. And hardest of all you may even be called to give up a gentle and faithful Papa to ill health and old age long before you are ready.

It’s going to be a long haul this year. We’ve got a lot to offer this year. Might as well get to it because it seems that now is a very acceptable time, like it or not.

It's Ash Wednesday!

Before you run off to get your sackcloth and ashes, I have to share two things, one reminder, and a tease.

Thing 1

This is a printable Lenten Calendar for kids developed by Catholic Icing...

Click here to go to Catholic Icing to get your clean, printable copy!

Thing 2

The Happy Fasting Earworm!

The Reminder

Not only is it Ash Wednesday, it's Wednesday, so I will be podcasting again tonight at 9:00 p.m. Eastern/8:00 p.m. Central. This link will take you to the podcasting site for the Garden of Holiness show at Deeper Truth. You can join in the conversation via the chatroom or call in with questions and comments (646) 595-2071. Tonight's show topic is fasting and Lent. What else?

The Tease 

Nick Alexander (whose name is familiar because he is the songwriter and star of the video you just watched) is not just any songwriter, he's a Catholic Speaker, comedian, and convert. He's been called plenty of names but my personal favorites are the King of Catholic Comedy and the Catholic Weird Al. He will be on next Wednesday's Garden of Holiness show, February 29th. You can check him out, book him as a speaker, and buy his albums here at the Nick Alexander website.

Have a miserable Lent, y'all!

Tomorrow's the big day!

Yo, Joe, you got some schmutz there...

Tomorrow is the beginning of the season of Lent. I know that plenty of nonCatholics practice it, but most of the ones I know don't. They look at me a little funny when I mention fasting, so I am taking a minute to once and for all sing the praises of fasting!

Why Fast? Two Reasons...

Fasting Increases Compassion

If there was ever a need for the American Christian, it is fasting!  We have such an appalling abundance that we actually think a car, a computer, heating and air conditioning, and cable are basic necessities. Here in the West, we base our very lives on increasing our comfort, not our discomfort. Fasting goes against the grain. In fact, it runs counter to our culture (ergo, if you ever want to be cool and counter cultural, fasting is for you!)

Why voluntarily suffer? I'd pose that there are plenty of reasons. Fasting and being hungry is a type of suffering because it is uncomfortable. It's the rare Middle Class American who can actually distinguish between true, gut-wrenching hunger and the nagging, "Yeah, I could eat" feeling. Fasting puts you in that gut wrenching place and helps you to understand this a little more.

 Let me take that back. There is nothing comprehensible about this.

Voluntary suffering through fasting, helps you to feel the misery of the world more personally--a world where in some places hunger is the norm. Through fasting you may only  have a taste of hunger, but that taste is enough to make you more viscerally aware of another's real and completely involuntary suffering. So, one reason to fast is to increase your compassion and to assist you in commiseration with others. Muslims fast during Ramadan, in part, for this very reason.

Fasting Strengthens Your Will

 Another reason is to strengthen your will. I am going to make the controversial statement that we Americans are becoming weak willed. I say that for two reasons: we don't exercise it and we don't respect it.


You calling me a weak willed wimp? Sort of, but fasting can fix you by...


Exercising your will
First, our lives are physically easy. There is much less to endure. In the summer, we are cooled. In the winter, we are warmed. Our food does not come to us through our labor in the fields, it comes from a quick visit to a store. There are less physical demands on our bodies that our minds have to willfully force us to endure. Our determination, our will, to stick with a physically demanding task is exercised much less these days and is therefore weaker. Fasting answers that weakness directly. Fasting is voluntarily taking on a hardship. The longer that you endure it, the more you exercise your will. In fact, because it is voluntary, it is incredibly easy to abandon. The act of the will involved to sustain a fast is immense!

Respecting your will more than your whims
Number two, we have been told since the 60s that our feelings were more authentic than our reason and our will. "If it feels good, do it!" has been the rallying cry for the hedonists among us for decades now, and as a result, we have little respect for personal grit and determination until the fruits of them are made conspicuous by success. Even then, we are more apt to respond with jealousy rather than determination to mimic the behavior that led to that success. A fast doesn't feel good if you do it. It takes endurance... meh. It takes determination... ugh. It takes an act of the will to conquer the self... that is so ickily Catholic!

So what? Start small. If you are physically unable to sustain a fast for a day, skip a meal. If that is impossible, fast from a food item, like dessert. If even that is too much for you, and this is entirely possible given the amount of diabetes and eating disorders in the world, fast from something other than food.

Some nonfood items to fast from...

• Wearing your favorite color
• Drinking soda
• Wearing eyeliner
• Sarcasm (good luck with that)
• Complaining (these are getting harder)
• Pride (good, Lord, help me!)

Actually, He will...

About.com's section of Catholic Fasting
Cool spot to reference if you want Biblical support on the topic of fasting

Tell Him, "I still do!": A Challenge for Wives

Here's a challenge I'd like to share with you. It is counter cultural in the extreme--it's all about treating your husband with respect.

Your husband, personally, may or may not deserve respect, but then again, you may not either. If you waited to respect each other until either of you behaved up to a certain standard, respect could become rare indeed! Respect in a marriage is more about honoring the office of spouse than a particular spouse. Your particular spouse may be driving you crazy, but because of who you are, and what God set up marriage to be, you need to behave as if your spouse deserves the best from you. Your husband is a child of God, after all, so although he may or may not deserve your best, He deserves it. Think of it this way, God is your Father-in-law and he can see exactly how you are treating His child. You need to behave accordingly.

And since you are God's child as well, you need Him to worry about making sure your husband takes care of you in the same way. Treating your spouse well, without worrying about being treated well in return, is an act of Faith--not in your spouse, but in God. He will pour out Grace upon the woman who acts in such faith. Even if it is the Grace to endure while He works on your husband a bit more.

From speaker, author, and mom, Sheila Wray Gregoire To Love Honor and Vacuum

A Challenge

For the last few weeks we've been talking about how to radically transform your marriage by focusing on meeting his needs--rather than waiting for him to meet yours. I issued a challenge to all of you to do these five things for six weeks, and see what happens:

1. Thank your husband once a day for something (try to make it something different each time)
2. Compliment your husband to your mother, your children, your friends, whatever, within earshot of your husband, every chance you get.
3. Do not nag.
4. Do not give the silent treatment.
5. Make love with relative frequency (say at least 2-3 times a week).

 

Try it and let me know how it goes...if he notices?...if he responds? I'd love to know. I've been slipping on my personal version of this challenge, so I'm taking it as a wake-up call. This is going to be my focus for Lent this year. 

Ahhh....

I've been waiting all Lent for this...

Hang in there!

A few weeks into Lent and your intentions may not be translating into actions. Don't let your pride get in the way of perfecting yourself. You will never be perfect. It's that simple. You will always have to be humble enough to see that there is more work yet to be done. Mother Teresa reminded us that "God doesn't require us to succeed; he only requires that you try." Yearn for God, but you will not become God. If you think you should be perfect, you never will even come close. If you've fallen, forgive yourself, pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and join the rest of us who are striving to become who we were made to be. It is a dusty work.

I'll be hitting the Confessional soon myself--of that I'm certain.

Oven Jambalaya and Adopting a Lousiana Heritage

My biological stepfather introduced me to Jambalaya, but before I share the recipe I'd better untangle the relationship we had.

I was adopted as an infant. When I was 18, my birth mother tracked me down and we began a slow process of getting to know one another. She was married to a man named Royal Peter. He was my biological stepfather; not related to me at all really, except by marriage and by an accident of birth, and through the efforts of two families to get to know each other after 18 years of never having met before. He's been gone now for years, and one of the many ways he influenced me was through food.

When I met him I was of the mind that if I had to cook the food, it wasn't worth eating. I was right about that! I disdained all things feminine and wanted to prove my point to the point that I was actually proud of being a horrible cook. He was a Louisianne and French enough in his outlook that he considered food a heritage. That idea eventually intrigued me enough to start experimenting with my own cultural heritage--Southern cooking, among others. In a way, he planted a seed that is still growing. I love the creativity of cooking and I really love the silence that descends as the first bite of something incredible hits the taste buds and takes control of the brain for a split second before the, "Oh! Wow!" or "Mmmm!" noises begin.

My first exposure to Jambalaya came during a conversation about an impending lunch. I was working on my biological family's ranch at the time. I was outdoors and about a mile from any buildings and by some quirk of necessity and planning I had no transportation. He was the one sent to get me for lunch.

Since it was early spring I was working on sprinklers. Since it was California it was early February. Since it was early February it was nearly Mardi Gras. Since it was nearly Mardi Gras, Roy was missing Louisiana. If he was missing Louisiana, he was going to talk about it. Being hungry he was going to talk about food, too. Since it took me a bit to work myself to a stopping point and since it was a one-person job, he leaned against the bumper of his truck to chat. That's the round about way he got on the subject of food storage in the steamy state.

He said that the week started with roasts on Sunday, sausage and beans on Tuesday, chicken on Wednesday, fish or shrimp on Friday, and leftovers on the days in between. On Saturday, anything leftover from the week that hadn't turned (or had hardly turned), got put into a jumble in a pot, spiced to perfection, and was called Jambalaya. The conversation and the remains of the job took about 20 minutes from start to finish. I could almost taste the talk. He was so descriptive in that Southern gentlemanly way of his, and I was such a foodie even then when I didn't know it yet, I could smell and see all the dishes he described. I've been hunting through Jambalaya recipes looking for him ever since.

So nowadays, whenever I stir the colors of rice and beans, when I smell bay leaf and cayenne I am there again with him in his cowboy hat, big buckle, and boots leaning against the bumper of his truck, his arms crossed and his eyes far away.

Here's our latest conversation:

Oven Jambalaya

3 cups water
1 1/2 cup uncooked regular rice
1 can corn (drained)
1 can diced tomatoes
1 small can diced peppers
1 small onion diced
1 package kielbasa or Italian sausage sliced into half inch disks*
1/2 pound cooked ground beef or breakfast sausage*
1/2 pound cooked chicken shredded or diced*
1/2 pound fresh shrimp peeled and deveined*
2 tsp chili powder
2 cloves garlic crushed
1 tsp paprika
1 tsp thyme
2 bay leaves
dash of cayenne pepper (to taste)
salt and pepper to taste

Combine ingredients in a lightly greased baking dish, cover and bake at 375 degrees for 1 hour. Yields 8 servings.

*The meats for Jambalaya are both interchangeable and optional. When I made this the first time, the meats I had on hand were kielbasa and beef hot dogs. I sliced them up and put them in the dish. Mmmm! I recommend making a Jambalaya in the traditional way whenever you have a bit of this and a bit of that leftover to make a jumble in the pot. Throw in leftover veggies, too, especially leftover okra!

Serves with cornbread muffins and a green salad anytime!

Halfway There!

Just in case you are getting a little tired of the sackcloth and ashes, here's a story about another 40 days...

"How long can you tread water?"

Beef: It's what's not for dinner...

Just to remind you what you're missing. Ciao!

"Can't Be!" Gluten Free Salmon Patties

These are my dear husband's creation. They are incredibly good and worth making regardless of your dietary needs. The addition of canned tuna brings the cost of the dish down considerably. Of course, if you are serving guests and cost is not a concern, don't make the substitution and use 4 cans of salmon.

"Can't Be!" Gluten Free Salmon Patties

2 cans tuna drained
2 small cans deboned salmon drained
2 eggs
3/4 cup mayo
1/2 cup instant mashed potatoes
1 cup Old Fashioned Oatmeal
1 small chopped onion
4 celery sticks chopped
2 Tbs butter (or oil)
1 Tbs lemon juice
1 tsp dill
1 tsp Old Bay seasoning
salt and pepper to taste

Sautee the onions and celery in butter (use olive oil if milk allergies are a concern) over medium heat until translucent. Mix all ingredients together in a large bowl until moist and evenly distributed. Make balls about 3 inches in diameter and press flat onto a greased cookie sheet. Bake at 400 degrees for 15 to 20 minutes, turning once halfway through. Serves 8 to 10.

Suggestions: Serve with a slice of pepper jack cheese* melted on top, drizzled with a zingy cocktail sauce--I make mine with a dash of horseradish in ketchup. Rice pilaf is a great side dish. Be sure to double check the ingredients for allergens. A side of wilted greens and dried cranberries topped with a sweet vinagrette would round it out nicely.

Happy fasting!

*Use a goat milk cheese if dairy allergies are present or skip the cheese entirely.

Lent for little ones

I've got a house full of little ones. Lent is a challenge. How do you convince a four year old that giving up a good thing is a good thing? Well, in all honesty, that's hard to do. We simply use the "In our family" explanation. It goes like this, "In our family, we don't eat candy or sweets during Lent." Then we go from there. We explain why we offer it up and all the other useful stuff that will serve to explain matters when they are a little older, but in the meantime, they accept this line in the sand difference between our family and others.

Being Catholic, we like to involve all the senses in our daily walk with God. We've talked with the kids all year about how our sins hurt each other and especially how they hurt God. To make this point concrete we have a Crown of Thorns during Lent. It sits on our dining room table next to a tin of toothpicks. When we hurt other family members through carelessness, spitefulness, or harsh words, we apologize and then put a thorn in the crown. We leave the toothpicks in our crown until daddy and mommy make it to Confession, when we get home, we all cheer and clap as we remove all the toothpicks and start afresh. The kids tell each other to be good and it becomes a challenge to keep the crown free of thorns for as long as possible.

Now as you can imagine, by the end of Lent mommy and daddy are being reminded very frequently to go to Confession. Also, the kids have gotten the hang of rebuking the mote in each other's eyes while tripping over the logs in their own. Naturally, with this exercise comes the accompanying exercise in charity and self-examination (that's what's known as the "flip side" by those old enough to remember 45s at sleepovers).