Wifey Wednesday: Thank Him

Most marriages are good. They're workable. Two average people get together hoping for the best, what could go wrong?

Plenty. Hence the Divorce rate, all my Wifey Wednesday type blog posts, and all the how-to books on marriage out there. This week, I want to be sure to pass on one of my favorite ways to keep a marriage healthy and strong:

Be grateful. Say thank you.

Obviously, neither of you is perfect. Obviously both of you need to continually strive to become better lovers, friends, companions, and Christians in order to make this marriage work, but we can get awfully discouraged by all the work we have yet to do. Don't forget to reward each other for those times you get it right or merely close enough.

Today, take a moment to think on a few things that your husband does right.

Say Thank You Just Because...

--1--  He Makes You Happy
Today thank him for just one thing that he does that is vital to your happiness. It doesn't have to be a big deal, it could be something as simple as remembering to turn on the coffee pot each morning so it's ready when you get up. Or it could be one of those important qualities in him that you love and need. For me that would be my husband's kindness. I know that no matter how frustrated or exasperated he becomes, I can count on him to be careful with my feelings. Even when he does slip up and lash out emotionally, it takes very little time at all for an apology to follow it up. (Thank you, honey! I really love that about you.) For someone else, it could be that he remembers to send flowers on your birthday or he kisses the kids goodnight every night. For others it might be that he is an emotional rock to lean on. Everyone measures their happiness differently. How do you measure yours and where does your husband measure up?




--2--   He Has Your Back
There are plenty of moments where a man steps between you and the world and tells it to back off. From the, "You listen to your mother!" moments with your children to the, "My wife called about the car and you said..." interventions with mechanics, he is there for you. He lets you put your cold feet on him at night and he holds your hand when you cry at weddings. Pick one of those many, many times he has expressed in some way his manly, supportive, and protective instincts for you, his bride, and let him know that those moments matter to you.



--3--   He Rings Your Bell

Because sex is so important to your nonverbal connection and communication as a couple as well as to his self worth as a husband, be absolutely sure to include an "When we're in bed, I go wild when you..." on your list. Don't even worry about all the blushing and giggling it might take to get the words out, he'll find that absolutely charming even as he blushes and giggles back (especially if you add, "Can we do that later?" to the end of your giggle!).

We find it easy to criticize, be so practiced at gratitude that it comes easy, too!

If you are one of those less expressive couples or if all this thanking seems awkward somehow or if you happen to be in the middle of one of those marital low spots we all experience, ask God to help you find your moments to express your thanks. Sprinkle the thanks out over the week or leave little notes for him to find, if you prefer. The important thing to remember is that we all work better when we know we are making progress. Be sure, on your journey to Heaven and to holiness, you let him know you notice the good.

The Caveat at the End: If you are struggling to find three things to be thankful for, now is the time to consider a trip to Confession, an appointment with a counsellor, and a fervent prayer to God to see your husband and yourself more clearly. If you are in the lowest of low spots in a marriage, also consider looking into a weekend retreat. I highly recommend Retrouvaille for help in turning your marriage around again. 

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This has been a Wifey Wednesday post. For an even wifier Wednesday click on over to To Love Honor and Vacuum!

Wifey Wednesday: Gratitude

As my husband and I slogged through some financial stress and strain this week, I had a revelation: all our current problems are external right now. We're doing the best we can for each other and facing our problems as a team.

I even remembered to thank my husband for that yesterday. I came home from a meeting and sat down across from my guy and told him I was grateful that he was such a nice guy and doing his best in a tough spot.

Don't get me wrong, here. Our marriage isn't perfect. Like everyone else we've had those moments where we could swear we'd married the Devil Incarnate. Every marriage has had a few of those "Who IS this person?!" pauses, but right now, we're not having one of them. We're having one of those, "Thank goodness he's/she's got my back!" moments and it's nice, given all the uncertainty in everything else.

Every marriage has those moments...just don't forget
to be happy whenever you're not having one of those moments.

Meanwhile, a young couple we know just got engaged. Like me, she's picked the nicest guy she knows to marry. I happen to know from experience that that's a pretty sure bet for success. I can't say that everything will go right in their lives, but having a really nice guy around when things go wrong sure makes things a lot easier to bear.

The only advice for today is to be grateful for each other. When it all comes down to it, between him and you and the Lord, you're a pretty formidable team. Make sure he knows you know that.

Us

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I am on the team for an ACTS Retreat this weekend, please keep us in your prayers!

Thanks, heroes...

Today is my late sister-in-law's birthday and though I am distracted with comforting my husband and my in-laws today while moving my mom into her new home, I wanted to take a moment to say thank you.

My dad's generation and his dad's were raised to be heroes. My generation, raised in the 70s and 80s, heard that heroism was too much trouble. "You don't want to be a hero!" was a great song with a horrible message. It was part of the soundtrack of our lives.

I'm glad to see that those of you who have served since The Greatest Generation know better. Americans still have a sense of duty and purpose. Most of the time, we get it right, too.

Thanks to all of you who served and died. My family has lost two men in the wars of the 20th Century and has sent many. We've been fortunate.

Though there's no real way to say thank you...thank you all. The world is a better place because of what you have done.

Wifey Wednesday: Two Tips for a Smoother Thanksgiving

Today's post, like most everything going on today, is going to be rushed and crammed in somewhere between the last minute dashes to the grocery store and the pie baking. We can get very flustered by the added work of a special day. Among my friends we have a name for that harried, distracted, and near frantic pre-holiday mindset: Terrible Martha Syndrome. Yes, it's named for the Martha of the Gospels who has Jesus Himself for dinner, but gets distracted by the work of feeding His disciples and unthinkingly grouses to the Lord about all the trouble she's having to go through for Him (Luke 10:38-42). We do this all the time to our friends and family. Our troubled face and impatient manner communicates loud and clear, "Do you have any idea how much bother I have to go through for you people?"

I'd like to help you with what helps me in those Terrible Martha moments. In and amongst all the cares of the day, try to remember two things: laughter is the best medicine and this particular day will never come again. Enjoy the craziness as much as you can. Everybody in the country is going crazy. It isn't just you.

--1--

Laughter is the best medicine. Tears and laughter are the only two things you can do to relieve stress. Yelling and giving vent to negative emotions actually increase the emotion. (Please pardon me for not citing the studies today--I'll plug them in when I'm less harried!) Big feasts and extra people in the house at breakfast are fodder for either pure comedy or pure tragedy. Usually both! In any given moment of high emotion you can either laugh, grouse, or cry. Grousing won't help, crying will wreck your mascara, but laughing will make it better. Put your arm around that aggravating kid and give vent to the giggles. My husband often reminds me that he can forgive me much because I can make him laugh. If you can't manage a giggle, try a loving smile instead of a frown this weekend just once and see if it doesn't make the moment better.

--2--

This day will never come again. This may seem like a claxon call to stress out about making the day perfect, but it isn't. I'm actually reminding you that you will never have a chance to have Thanksgiving with a five year old again, so go ahead and let her top the pie. That crooked pie can be one of the best memories of your feast! Don't shoot for perfection, shoot for keeping any particular moment from being a bad memory of when mommy blew her cool.

Christ never told Martha not to do the work. Instead he chides her for her attitude about the work. "Martha, Martha, thou art anxious and troubled about many things: but one thing is needful" (Luke 10:41-42). Do the work, my friends. Just remember that the work is not the point. The meal is not the point. Your relationship with Him and with each of these precious people is the point. Enjoy them this day. The meal is merely the setting for all the jewels of your family to shine particularly prettily for a little while. Treasure them and remember to treasure those mishaps that are bound to happen. They are what your family will laugh about in years to come.

"Remember the year that daddy dropped the turkey?" can be said in a hushed secretive whisper of remembered awe or it can be said with a ring of remembered laughter as a reminder of the ridiculous that lurks behind every great endeavor. Let the ridiculousness of the day be a source of laughter and not of shame and have a great holiday this year. Even if it comes off as mediocre, it's your unique version of mediocre and therefore a family treasure!

In moments like this you can laugh or cry.  Or both!

The Awkward Pause: Witness like a pro!

For the competitive Christian spirit and true Thanksgiving one-up-manship, here's a real conversation stopper to help you through those awkward family holiday pauses. For the win!

Reasons to be Thankful

1) Air Conditioning
When my husband got off of work yesterday and joined me at the Ugly Yellow Trailer, it was 101 inside. When we left at 7:30, it had dropped to 100. This is my official recant of all my complaints about the air conditioner not working in that house. When it was running, it never got over 96 degrees. There is a big difference between 96 and 101. I am happy I only had two days of the latter.

2) Babysitting
As miserable as the heat and the 14 hour days were, I did not have to subject my children to either. Their grandparents subjected them to way too much candy and way too many movies instead. I missed their company, but I don't know that they noticed my absence much. They tell me How to Train Your Dragon was exciting!

Nanas are one of God's greatest gifts.

3) Friends
In the darkness before dawn yesterday, a van pulled into my driveway. I wasn't expecting anyone and I was alone, packing wildly, so I had a nervous moment until I recognized my neighbor and her daughter, hopping out and chattering cheerfully. They helped all morning and made it possible for the job of packing to be done by the end of yesterday. Not only are they the type of friends who help you move, they are the type who show up unannounced before dawn to do it. Rare friends, indeed.

4) Sunday
God made an entire day for rest. For that I am truly thankful.

A Birthday...

Today was my husband's birthday and I managed to surprise him with a little party. The neighbor kids helped my kids make beautiful cards and put together a play, "The Little Billy Goats Gruff," while my neighbor and friend helped me learn how to grill. She's an expert.

Besides the play, the grilled chicken, a jello-jiggler birthday cake, and the cards, he received a new grill, a book, and a day in air conditioning from start to finish. We spent the day at the neighbor's house with a rocking cold a/c and tonight we are at my parent's house enjoying the gift of theirs. When we left our house today it had come back down to 97 degrees. The new house that will be moved in August will have central heat and air. Until then, we make do.

Right now, the man is asleep in 78 degree comfort. Happy birthday, honey.