The Divorce Cure?

My son asked about adultery today and I was all ready to yank the last vestiges of media from his life to save him from the Big Bad World when come to find out he'd heard about it in Church.

"Stupid Commandments," I grumbled to myself as I tried to figure out a way to discuss sexual sin with an innocent. I punted, "It's when people act like they are married to each other when they are married to  other people."

His brows came down into a frown. "That would be bad," he said.

"It's very bad," I agreed.

It led to a discussion of divorce, naturally enough, and a promise exacted from my son to never pretend I was married to anyone but his daddy. He also promised solemnly to do the same for his wife.

I'm glad he's already thinking and praying for my future daughter-in-law. I pray for her, too. Living in a crazy world where half of all marriages end in divorce, everyone could use some prayer.

Which brings me to this startling statistic. Though the divorce rate for the general population is 50%, it is 5% for couples who practice Natural Family Planning (more on that in next week's podcast) and it is 0.3% for couples who pray together (source: Our Catholic Marriage). In other words, one couple out of 300 will wind up divorced if they take the time to pray. The couple who prays together really does stay together.

I find that heartening. I also find it terrifying.

I have been naked and frisky in front of my husband, I have been sick with all manner of illnesses, and I have both given birth and miscarried before his very eyes, but I have never felt so exposed and vulnerable than when we have opened up to God together. Let's just say that there is intimacy and then there is Intimacy.

According to Scripture it is the heart that prays and what is the heart?

The heart is the dwelling-place where I am, where I live; according to the Semitic or Biblical expression, the heart is the place "to which I withdraw." The heart is our hidden center, beyond the grasp of our reason and of others; only the Spirit of God can fathom the human heart and know it fully. The heart is the place of decision, deeper than our psychic drives. It is the place of truth, where we choose life or death. It is the place of encounter, because as images of God we live in relation: it is the place of covenant. (CCC 2563) 

Praying with your husband means bringing him there.

Kinda scary. As modern wives we're used to bringing him into our bodies, into our day to day life, even into our thoughts and hopes and dreams, but are we called to bring our husband into our very Truth, to that place in our soul where each breath God asks of us is sighed out, "Yes!"?

Yes, yes, yes.

The two shall become one, yes. We two shall become a reflection of God, a unity of Three Persons, so yes.

Couples do this, they really do. My sister and her husband do this. My neighbor does this. In fact, not praying together is kind of a modern thing with couples.

About as Modern as the 50 percent divorce rate.

There is help out there. To break the ice, you can get started with a sincere and nightly recitation of the prayer Christ taught us, the "Our Father." When you are ready to move on, there is this resource: Coupleprayer.org. It's ecumenical in nature and designed to get you praying daily. It's also just a little bit fun.

Just like we worked our way past the awkwardness of learning how to be intimate with each other as Newlyweds, we worked our way past the awkwardness of learning how to be Intimate on this level as Oldlyweds. We worked to make daily prayer together a habit. We knew it was worth it.

Seriously, bumping a 50/50 chance of success to 300 to 1 odds?  Discovering couple prayer is like finding a cure for divorce! Who wouldn't want that?

For more on Couple Prayer and some good old Christian common sense, tune in to tonight's Garden of Holiness Podcast at Deeper Truth.


--------------------------

This has been a Wifey Wednesday Post. To have an even more Wifey Wednesday visit Sheila Wray Gregoire at To Love Honor and Vacuum.

7 Quick Takes

1

Have I mentioned that I love my laptop? I am able to integrate writing around family life a whole lot better with it. At this very moment I am on my way to the little town where my spiritual director lives. It is absolutely awesome. My husband is driving, the kids are chatting, and I am blogging. Wild.


2

I had a revelation about Hell and God this morning as I contemplated dragging my carcass out of the warm bed into a 55 degree house. Our thermostat is cranky, by the way, and tends to shut off if it is jostled. We have five children, two dogs and four cats. We jostle. Cold mornings are a regular occurrence, but that’s not the point.

The point is I had no desire at all to get up out of bed early nor to brave the chilly floor and house. I was lolling in bed, eyes closed, listening to the radio in the dark, attempting to muster the desire to muster. Inevitably I dosed off for a second. It was only for a second, but I had that panicky startled wake up and determined then and there to get a move on. I reached up and turned on the light.

My eyes, totally given over to the dark, suffered the light. It was barely painful, but in addition to the cold and the fatigue, I felt the eye ache on a personal and a resentful level.

That’s when it hit me. Though Hell is described as a torment, Heaven would be an even worse torment for those who hate the Light. It would burn and ache and drive spears into the souls of those who hate it.

These are my thoughts first thing this morning. Can you tell I am in dire need of Confession here?  What a crank! I sincerely hope to be more cheerful as soon as I clean out some muck and goo.


3

Loving That Post-Confession Feeling!

Ah, much better. I feel like a million bucks. It’s a good thing this post is in 7 Quick Takes format or I’d have to trash the first two because of the abrupt change in tone. Like life, these little blurbs can take a complete turn around in authorial attitude rather well.


4

At breakfast my oldest daughter, age 7, asked Father if she could start studying for First Communion and First Confession. She’s been asking about it at home for several months now and we’ve wondered if she is ready, second guessing ourselves. Father settled the matter rather quickly after asking her several questions to determine her readiness. In addition to her, he asked us several questions about Simon. Father is going to work with us to get Simon able to use the iPad in the Confessional to assist their communication. Simon is talking but his diction is such that he is incredibly hard to understand. Father, knowing this, is eager to use the technology that will make Simon able to do it now when his heart is ready rather than waiting on his speech skills to catch up. We are very excited to announce we are starting Sacramental Preparation at our house!

5

Honestly, I don’t know why I haven’t learned to write stuff down. My husband will say, “Oh you need to blog that!” and I’ll smile and agree and I won’t make a move to jot the incident down. I always regret it when Friday comes. “Honey, do you remember that thing we were going to put in the 7 Quick Takes?” “Yeah, it was funny. What was it again? Did you get it written down?”

No.

6

Pretty soon I’ll be moving this blog over to Wordpress. I’ll have my own domain name and everything. Jeff Young at The Catholic Foodie is helping me make the transition, so you can see his name as a blog contributor. Wouldn’t that be the coolest thing ever? Maybe I should ask him for some insights about food meeting faith.

7


For the next few weeks the Podcasts will be exploring modern marriage and the problems we experience. We (Tim and Rozanne Ohmes and my very own husband Andy and I) will be touching on Genesis and the Theology of the Body as we discuss struggling with NFP.

This week Rozanne and I will first attempt to give you the best cure we know for marital ills: praying together. For my Wifey Wednesday post this week I’m going to give you links, suggestions, and the stats on couples who pray together. The Podcast on Wednesday at 9 p.m. Eastern will go into more depth about Couple Prayer. You won’t want to miss it.