7 Ways to Help Foster Children in Your Area

My husband and I have been foster parents (and adoptive and birth parents) since 2002. This past week we attended training to become teachers of future foster parents. We are so excited to pass on everything we have learned through the years and are looking forward to learning so much more. We all know that it is a Christian duty and privilege to help the neediest among us with our talents and abilities. With this post, I would like to present some ideas for you to consider helping the needy foster children in our communities.

What does a foster family look like?
Just like any other family,
It looks like love!

#1 Become a foster parent!

Of course the very best way you could help foster children would be to become a well trained, compassionate, and enthusiastic foster parent but not everyone has that option. There are numerous reasons why you might not be able to become a foster parent, but there is no reason why everyone in our communities can't help out foster children in some way.

There are other ways to help foster children 

even if you can't be a foster parent:

#2 Become a respite care giver

If your circumstances don't allow you to be a full time foster parent, is it possible that you could become a part-time foster parent? Is your life structured so that you could take in a child for a few days on occasion? There is a tremendous need for qualified people able to care for foster children temporarily while their regular foster families are unable to. They are suddenly faced with an unexpected business trip or a hospital stay, for example. You'd think it'd be easy for any family to find child care in such a situation, via a relative or a family friend, but it really isn't. Due to the licensing and background check requirements for anyone who cares for foster children, many foster families are unable to come up with temporary alternative care. 

That is why there is a pool of qualified, part time people who are pre-certified and willing to step in. They go through all the necessary training and background checks to become a foster parent, and then they simply wait for a phone call from foster families in their area who need them. Contact your local child protection agency and find out more about the requirements needed to become a respite care provider.

#3 Become involved in annual holiday gift drives.

The holidays are especially hard on foster children in care.

Each year, local child protection agencies take down information about their foster children and present it to Toys for Tots or other organizations to ensure that needy children in foster care are provided with necessities and gifts during the Holidays. People just like you get involved by donating money, going shopping, wrapping presents, or delivering them to the agency or child. Call your local department of child welfare and see when these activities begin in your area and what you can do as a volunteer. 

#4 Donate, Donate, Donate

When kids come into care, they often only come with the clothes on their backs (and sometimes not even that). Not only do they need clothing, all the little daily necessities of life need to be provided: toothbrushes, toothpaste, socks, underclothes, jackets, shoes, combs and brushes, hair ties and clips, diapers and wipes. Each child protection agency usually has a resource room for social workers to provide a change of clothing for a child newly entering the foster care system, so call your local office about the types of items that are needed and the procedure for making a donation.

Our local agency in Amarillo takes gently used items. Yours may, too. If you don't have a favorite charity that you donate your old children's items to already, seriously consider donating to your local foster care agency.

#5 Scrapbooking!

Making a scrapbook helps foster children maintain continuity.

"Scrapbooking?" Yes, scrapbooking. Children in care need to have connections with their family of origin. They need that tangible reminder of who they are and where they came from. Even if circumstances were bad enough for them to be placed into care, kids love their mommies. They miss their home, their friends, their old class at school. Those of us involved in foster care try to keep up a scrap book with pictures, letters, and reminders of their history. Is scrapbooking your thing? Could you help a child with updating her Lifebook or could you organize a scrapbooking workshop for several children? Some children who come in and out of care need to have their books recreated and others need to get started on one. If you love to scrapbook, we in the foster care world would love to have your help! Call your local agency and offer your talents!

#6 Spread the word!

In our communities, there are people who would make great foster parents but they've never even considered the option. They've never knowingly met a foster child or a foster parent, so it has simply never crossed their mind to get involved. We need your help reaching them! Become a foster advocate. Post information on upcoming trainings on your Facebook and Twitter pages. Post this article! Talk about foster care at your church!

#7 Be a great parent!

Work on your marriage and keep those intergenerational ties strong!

Finally, the best way to help children is to be the best parent you can be to your own children. Be a loving parent and raise up a new generation of loving parents. Help ensure that the circumstances that generate children in need of foster care don't exist in your little corner of the world.

7 Quick Takes: News and Stuff

--1-- It's a newborn!

We received the call. Tomorrow we get to meet our newest foster baby. We don't know if he is a he or a she yet. His or her blog code name, to maintain his or her privacy, is going to be Wee Baby Eleven!

--2-- Fireworks!

For the first time in five years, Simon and I managed to sit through a fireworks display. Ever since he was two, he's experienced a sensory overload at the noise, the flashes, the excitement of the crowd. This year he happily sat on my lap through it all! He's growing up!

--3-- Camping

We had our first backyard camp out. Though we were fairly certain Simon would do well with the change in sleeping arrangements, we wanted to be close to home just in case he needed to bail. He was a trooper! He snuggled into his sleeping bag and fell right to sleep.

We had a stew with tortillas for dinner and s'mores for dessert. In the morning, quesadillas and hot cocoa were on tap. We sang around the campfire and roasted marshmallows. We played campfire games. We were typical family campers and loved it.

I highly recommend it.

--4-- Taking care

It is wonderful beyond wonder to see your little ones turn into people you could admire. My dad is out doing errands and each of my older and more responsible kids is taking turns sitting quietly with my mom to be at her beck and call. Because of her breathing problems, she can't get up and get a drink of water or fetch a book easily. When alone, when she wants something, she will oftentimes just do without. They are chatting her up, reading, watching a cartoon, fetching her remote, refilling the ice in her glass. Simple stuff, really, but very sweet. Nothing helps you grow in love than serving your beloved. That Nana of theirs is much beloved, indeed.

--5-- Are we experiencing Liberation Fatigue?

If you want a (relatively) concise Theology of the Body or are simply wondering what went wrong in the Sexual Revolution, this article is excellent. Take a gander.

DESIGNED FOR SEX

What We Lose When We Forget What Sex Is For

byJ. Budziszewski

Midnight. Shelly is getting herself drunk so that she can bring herself to go home with the strange man seated next to her at the bar.One o’clock.Steven is busy downloading pornographic images of children from Internet bulletin boards.Two o’clock.Marjorie, who used to spend every Friday night in bed with a different man, has been binging and purging since eleven.Three o’clock.Pablo stares through the darkness at the ceiling, wondering how to convince his girlfriend to have an abortion.Four o’clock.After partying all night, Jesse takes another man home, not mentioning that he tests positive for an incurable STD.Five o’clock.Lisa is in the bathroom, cutting herself delicately with a razor. This isn’t what my generation expected when it invented the sexual revolution. The game isn’t fun anymore. Even some of the diehard proponents of that enslaving liberation have begun to show signs of fatigue and confusion.

Read more:http://www.touchstonemag.com/archives/article.php?id=18-06-022-f#ixzz2YCWuatXf

--6-- Guardasil: If it doesn't do what it claims, what's it for? Profits?

Another article to look at

The Lead Vaccine Developer Comes Clean So She Can “Sleep At Night”: Gardasil And Cervarix Don’t Work, Are Dangerous, And Weren’t Tested

Author: Sarah Cain

LifeWise 

 

Dr. Diane Harper was the lead researcher in the development of the human papilloma virus vaccines, Gardasil and Cervarix. She is the latest to come forward and question the safety and effectiveness of these vaccines.

She made the surprising announcement at the 4th International Public Conference on Vaccination, which took place in Reston, Virginia on Oct. 2nd through 4th, 2009.

Her speech was supposed to promote the Gardasil and Cervarix vaccines, but she instead turned on her corporate bosses in a very public way. When questioned about the presentation, audience members remarked that they came away feeling that the vaccines should not be used.

“I came away from the talk with the perception that the risk of adverse side effects is so much greater than the risk of cervical cancer, I couldn’t help but question why we need the vaccine at all.”  – Joan Robinson

Dr. Harper explained in her presentation that the cervical cancer risk in the U.S. is already extremely low, and that vaccinations are unlikely to have any effect upon the rate of cervical cancer in the United States. In fact, 70% of all H.P.V. infections resolve themselves without treatment in a year, and the number rises to well over 90% in two years. Harper also mentioned the safety angle.

All trials of the vaccines were done on children aged 15 and above, despite them currently being marketed for 9-year-olds. So far, 15,037 girls have reported adverse side effects from Gardasil alone to the Vaccine Adverse Event Reporting System (V.A.E.R.S.), and this number only reflects parents who underwent the hurdles required for reporting adverse reactions.

At the time of writing, 44 girls are officially known to have died from these vaccines. The reported side effects include Guillian Barré Syndrome (paralysis lasting for years, or permanently — sometimes eventually causing suffocation), lupus, seizures, blood clots, and brain inflammation. Parents are usually not made aware of these risks.

Dr. Harper, the vaccine developer, claimed that she was speaking out, so that she might finally be able to sleep at night.

Read more: http://southweb.org/lifewise/the-lead-vaccine-developer-comes-clean-so-she-can-sleep-at-night-gardasil-and-cervarix-dont-work-are-dangerous-and-werent-tested/

--7-- Since you were wondering, here's how they made all those lovely colors in the sky last night...

Pure Chemistry

The Best News We Ever Received on a Monday!

Our home renovations have finally passed the final test and we are ready to accept a foster child. All it takes now is a phone call and we are foster parents again!

Happy, happy Monday!

They have lost everything...

...must they also lose their spiritual home? I posted about the gift of love that is foster care as a guest on a new-to-me blog: Forever, For Always, No Matter What. Checkest thou it out!

Click on the pic to click through to the post...

7 Quick Takes: Must They Also Lose the Sacraments?

Hosted at Camp Patton this week!

#1 

An Appeal

I am in a bit of a rush today, trying to transform my copious notes on the need for Catholic foster families into a publishable form in various formats: a blog post, several guest blog posts, and articles for national Catholic family magazines. Therefore this 7 Quick Takes will be quick and dirty! Retweet me anyway! Help me spread the word!

Please read on and please help me spread the word. I am not shy. I write well. I interview well. Also pray that the article I'm writing gets picked up by a national publication. Oh, and yes, I will guest blog for you if you ask (if I don't ask you first).

#2

The Mission

I am sparse on the blog lately because I have hit the road, the microphone, and the keyboard working with CPS to recruit foster families. Let me give you the briefest of brief reasons why I am recruiting people, especially Catholics, to consider foster care:

The largest group of practicing Christians in this country is Catholic. It stands to reason that this means a large portion of foster children will also be Catholic. Regardless of the stats, there are children in my community who have lost everything when their family fell apart, including access to the comfort of their beautiful religion. The more bold of them are complaining that their foster families are not taking them to any church or are refusing to take them to a Catholic Church. My heart breaks for all those children who ache for their spiritual home but who are too shy or traumatized by the loss of their actual home to say a word. My answer to that is to say it for them at every opportunity and to invite you, John and Jane Q. Public, to consider foster care.

I first discussed it here on my Podcast with Deeper Truth.

Listen to internet radio with Deeper Truth on Blog Talk Radio

Next I was interviewed by Stephanie Frausto on her Catholics in Action show on our local radio station KDJW 1360 AM this past Wednesday. It will be re aired on Saturday, April 20, from 5 to 6 p.m. Central and on Sunday, April 21, from 3 to 4 p.m. At those times, you can listen in here.

To be brief: I am on a mission here. Although several people at our local department hinted that they want me to apply for the upcoming vacancy in the paid position of a Faith Based Recruiter, my husband and I have elected to forgo that in order to have the freedom to be a bit more raw and real in our appeal. I am volunteering instead and will gladly work with the person they hire. I am writing articles, visiting churches, and going on the radio! Please help me spread the word?

#3

The House Qualified!

Our house is now certified once again as a foster/adoptive home for our local agency. We will still have to finish the few odd jobs before our next child is placed with us, but the paperwork is finished! Finally! Thank you for all your prayers and thank you, God!

Saint Joseph, pray for us!

#4

Things are Changing!

My parents are selling their home and purchasing a home to move onto our property. That way we can have my father settled in and “home” before he declines to the point where the move will only lead to confusion and fear. We have a few years before that, pray God. It will also lesson their financial and physical burden of caring for a home, as we will take over that.  We have the privilege to have the means to do this for them. As I’ve joked with them, they get to be our guinea pigs. “Andy’s parents are about 10 years behind you guys, so we get to make all our mistakes on you first!”

I’m letting you all know this so you can understand why there has been a break in the blogging. The move is coming in a few weeks and we’ve had to rearrange the goat yard and build new fences in order to accommodate the new building. They will have a nice yard and a great view of the chickens, the goats, and the kids playing.

#5

Perspectives are Changing...

The neurologist who is helping my parents’ learn and cope with my father’s dementia has described a condition that begins in the late 30s. One of the signs of the disease process is a loss of the sense of smell and tone deafness. Both of these events happened before I was born. My father’s illness may have been affecting him my entire life.

I can not tell you, can not begin to tell you, how this changes my perspective on my childhood. It’s a game changer, I tell you. I feel a bit like Paul, the scales are off and my eyes are seeing a whole world.

#6

Can't We Bury Our Dead First?

The bombing in Boston has already been turned into political fodder by the extreme Right and extreme Left. I know that I am facing chastisement for saying such a thing, but people have died, a city is traumatized. Can we not get along for a few days more or shall we let the bombers’ next intention, that of furthering division in America, be another notch in their bomb belt?

#7

The Blog in Sweatpants and a Ponytail

I’m also sick with yet another fevery bug, so I’m keeping it brief today. Not only are the pretty pictures missing, I’m also not using my God given talent of humor to keep my readers reading. Sorry, folks. I hope you will be forgiving.

7 Quick Late and Busy Takes

I am late posting my 7 Quick Takes this week because we are fulfilling the last requirements for reopening our home to fostering and adopting. My takes this week will be reflecting that!

--1--

Transcripts

One of the easiest items we had to provide was our high school transcripts. Apparently the State of Texas had a run on foster parents who couldn’t read and therefore couldn’t assist in the schooling of foster children. Knowing full well that literacy can not be proved by a diploma, I feel a little frustrated by the requirement. It isn't the requirement itself and I don't mind fulfilling requirements, but every time I hear the reasoning behind this, I comprehend more fully why subsidiarity works better than big
bureaucracies.

--2--

Well Water Tested

This isn’t as hard as it sounds, nor as expensive. We simply have to remove the screen, clean the spigot, and then bring a sample of water into the lab. That's on the agenda Monday.

--3--

Rabies Shots for All Pets

This is in our own best interest and would have been done anyway. We have neutered everyone and shot them all up full of vaccines. We have two dogs and four cats, so the vets know us well. I am one of those people whose curiosity is aroused easily, so I am now the proud owner of the knowledge that best practices for cat vaccines is to give them in the hind legs. Cats' immune systems sometimes attempt to isolate a problem area from the rest of the body. When the immune system attempts to isolate a vaccination site, it can turn tumorous and malignant. The vet tech said, "It's a lot less fatal to remove a hind leg than a head, so we do our shots back here!" She pointed me to a ton of studied on it, which will interest my husband. He's more into the gruesome medical details than I am.

--4--

Speaking of Gruesome

We have mice. We thought we'd gotten rid of them with zealous use of traps, but wouldn't you know it, as soon as it warmed up, they woke up and went on the hunt for food and water. In our kitchen! Did I mention we had a warm spell during the social worker's visit? She saw three mice. That's the bad news.

The good news is that I'm related to half the town, so of course I have a cousin in the extermination business. Not only do I get rid of the mice, I get to visit with my cousin and catch up on news. In fact, I told his secretary (his wife) to schedule the consultation close to a meal time and I'd feed him while he was over.

--5--

Swap Bedrooms

The girls room had an outside door. Foster children are not allowed to have access form their bedrooms to the outside. We can’t seal he door because our house is L-shaped and that would mean one part of the L wouldn’t have an easy exit in case of fire. The simple solution was to swap rooms with them.

Most of my week has been involved in moving our room and office out of the huge bedroom we were in, organizing the girls' belongings and redoing the decorating. We’re almost moved in. The girls are thrilled, which surprised me. We'd chosen very dark colors for the room because Andy had been on the night shift and needed to tone down the daylight as much as possible. The room is a battleship gray, officially called Timberwolf Gray, with a dark purple trim. I thought my little princesses would balk, but they have the concept of "neutral" down pat already.

--6--

Saw The Hobbit

We needed the break and it was my dad's Christmas present to Andy and I. He treated us and our oldest. We loved it. Still, I wonder at the physics of Middle Earth. Does it have the moon’s gravity? All that falling down chasms and surviving. Hobbits bounce marvelously, apparently. Dwarves, too, have the near miraculous ability to ride splintering, shattering wooden structures down a fall of what looked to be at least 800 feet without breaking a bone or pulling a splinter out of an eyeball. Orcs are not so gifted. They died wholesale which led me to wonder idly during the “under the mountain” scene, how many unique and interesting ways could an orc fall into an abyss? Interesting was 3. Unique was also 3. After the number 3, I seemed to have lost count. Must have lost it in all the excitement. My Precious.

--7--

New Evangelists Monthly

I'd like to draw your attention to New Evangelists Monthly. It is a new endeavor hosted over at Convert Journal. On the first Saturday of the month, participating Catholic bloggers post their best posts from the previous month. If you are looking for a convenient way to peruse some of the best of Catholic blogging, this is for you. Just like 7 Quick Takes, it puts lots of great blogging right at your finger-click.

7 Quick Takes and a Prayer

--1--

Isn't it a blessing to be comfortable enough to have the means for all of life's true necessities and yet to be working hard enough to get them that a bag of coffee and a quart of cream makes for a fine, fine Christmas gift? Of course, it's easy to be grateful for a bag of Mystic Monk. Thank you oh so very much, neighbors!

--2--

Everyone waiting to see Sissy's gift!

By American standards, we celebrate a small Christmas. We try to keep the focus on our faith and each other and not on an ever growing pile of goods under the tree. For the past few years we have chosen not to go into credit card debt but instead have set a cash budget and have kept to it in spite of all temptation. We actually give the majority of the funding to the children to spend a modest amount on each present they need to buy for each other, my husband and I, grandparents and Godparents. Most of their Christmas gifts and most of the excitement come from what they carefully choose for each other. It's sweet to watch the children hover around the recipient as each gift is opened, to hear them calling out, "That's from me!" and "You got that from her?" We think we're on to something. This year, as every year, was the very best.

--3--

A No-Filing Filing System of Monthly Bills
From Echoes of Laughter

We had our first test of our new bill paying system the other day. Our propane company called concerned that we hadn't paid our bill. All it took was a quick look in my notebook to be able to say, "It was mailed a week ago Wednesday." Before they even found their clerical error, I already knew the check had cleared the bank and all was well. It was a nice experience compared to the frantic search through a pile of unfiled paperwork that was my previous system for responding to such phone calls. If you are interested in changing the way you track and file your monthly bills, this is the system we're using. I can recommend it from personal experience. It works!

--4--

Enough crowing! How about a nice wife fail to round out the list? Last Sunday, my husband was sick and staying home from church and work. The kids were also sick and were dozing and quiet so while I was getting ready, he and I had the rare opportunity for a real adult conversation. It got pretty deep into the usual topics of the New Year, self-improvement, and I wanted to give him a little boost. Meaning to remind him that nobody is expected to be perfect but to simply persevere I said cheerily, "You know you are going to fail, right?" I meant to go on and explain myself better, but his look prevented much more than some stammering and apologizing. It took me awhile to untangle what I really meant from what I'd said and by the end of it we were laughing at my failure to communicate. He isn't teasing me too hard about it yet, but he has whispered in my ear once or twice as I'm beginning a job, "You know you're going to fail, right?"

I already did, babe. Got that skill down pat.

--5--

"Resolving to Sin No More"

Garden of Holiness Podcast for Deeper Truth

r

Listen to internet radio with Deeper Truth on Blog Talk Radio

Wednesday's podcast on combating sins with virtues turned out pretty well. My friends over at Deeper Truth are putting it in their "Best Of" list. Since it expands on some of the points I made in Wednesday's post, I thought I'd share it. I had a chance to talk about some of the ways even the practice of Virtues can be twisted around on you if you aren't careful. Speaking from personal experience, of course. *ahem*

--6--

No word yet on the foster care paperwork. It's all in and undergoing review. I'm waiting as patiently as I can, figuring our social worker is taking a few days to spend some time with her family.

--7--

Speaking of, thank you for your understanding and patience when I took some time off from blogging to be able to relax and enjoy the season with my family. In fact, the entire crew of Martins thanks you and wishes you a very happy New Year.

 --A Prayer--

Two of my blogging friends need prayers. Both are pregnant and both have been hospitalized this week: Jennifer Fulwiler at Conversion Diary (an update) and Kelly at The Careless Catholic (an update). Thank you.

The missing child

Five and counting...

I have that nagging feeling again. The one that hits after I count the brood--even after all five are mentally counted--it's a heart stopping feeling, for just an instant, that someone is missing. All parents know it in its usual form, where there's a face immediately attached to it on the heels of a burst of panic. Like when a child isn't brushing her teeth in the bathroom with the rest of them, and I know instantly who hasn't been accounted for--Sissy!--and soon discover her already asleep, one shoe on and one shoe off, on top of her covers.

This missing child feeling is the feeling that hits, facelessly and namelessly when all the children are safely tallied--someone isn't here. It's someone I don't know yet. Some families experience this anonymous feeling of missing a child as an invitation to have another one. For us? It's likely an invitation to begin fostering again. Our house is very close to being ready for us to accept another blessing, but not quite yet. We have a few more details to take care of in the renovations.

My heart is already ready. I miss this person. My arms are ready to receive her in her first hug, or him, or them. Every time I count to five, when we load up in the van, when we start a meal, when I kiss heads at night, I miss this person I haven't met. Where are you, honey? I'm here.

My husband has been feeling it, too. The other day, at dinner, I saw his eyes sweep the table in a mental count, before his eyes met mine.

"Missing baby," he said.
"Yeah, me, too," I answered. 
We both smiled, then I sighed, and he squeezed my hand.

Only the two of us would understand what we mean, that we are both experiencing that invitation to make ready for the next child. My husband is working on the renovations, and I'm working on patience. Even my youngest, upon finding that the baby potty she'd recently graduated from was missing from the bathroom this morning, remarked mournfully, "We need another baby, mommy!"

I know that feeling.

...room for more...

It's a girl!

37 pounds
37 1/2 inches...

The adoption was today. We, her parents, are over the moon.

As for Lucia, she says she is, "so very happy!" She saw the judge, ate some cake, and jumped on a trampoline. It's a great big whalloping happy day.

Some joys are beyond expression, as any parent knows.

7 Quick Takes

1 The dog is being fixed this morning. He is staring at me with those Labrador eyes, perhaps pondering, "What is broken?" Nothing yet, puppy. Nothing yet.

(random internet pic--not my dog, not my sectional)
((seriously, do you think I'd do off-white with 5 children?))

2 Once I had a dog who wore the "Cone of Shame" after a vet visit. Grandma Ella (the relation is too complicated to explain without another post), upon seeing her, scolded me for letting the dog get herself tangled up with my lampshades. She didn't like the explanation of the cone any better than her supposition. "It just looks silly." My dog agreed with her.

3 Although the dog does not like the cone, the children do. I will spend much of the next three or four days watching that the children do not steal the cone to wear as a fashion accessory. Think Queen Elizabeth...

4 Speaking of dogs, I woke up to barking at 5 a.m. It was the toddler.

5 On a different note, I am enjoying the company of children. I'm babysitting the younger three children of a dear friend. There are eight children, 7 and younger, running around the ugly yellow trailer. It's my contribution to the effort to get ready for the Pro-Life Banquet on Sunday. My friend makes blankets for the Pregnancy Center. Please go look. It's a good idea and there's a picture of one of my children on the site. Isn't she cute?

6 I've always found that in a certain sense, the more children there are, the more work there is, but the easier the burden. I guess I was just made to be a kid wrangler. Babysitting and having eight little ones around is stirring the pot and making me anxious to finish the house so we can foster more children.

7 Speaking of fostering. There is not really an update on the adoption of our fosterchild, Sissy, just news that the paperwork is finally starting to trickle in. If you ever do foster, keep every scrap of paper on every child--the only accessible copies in the system were in my hands due to her going out of the system at the last "permanent" family placement. Everything got boxed up and archived at that point. Once her social worker and I were able to figure that out, we could get the ball rolling again. The adoption won't be in April as hoped. Perhaps by the end of summer. It looks like the April court date will now be merely another placement review hearing, possibly the last of its kind?

The power of love...Grandparents

As you are running around cleaning today, eating tomorrow, and shopping Friday, remember to love.

Here's a little story...

My foster daughter lived with us for the most part from the age of two weeks old to one year (and a few months) when she went to live more permanently with a relative. She came back to us again when she was two years old.

The first day back in our home, she was confused. She'd been bounced around and had experiences that led to a removal from that relative's home. We were so happy to have her back with us, and of course we remembered her, but she had that wary, uncertain look about her that children shouldn't ever, ever have.

She would sit in my lap for hugs. She'd let my husband carry her. She would stand next to the other kids, but her thumb was in her mouth, her smiles were brief, and she was stiff, poised to run. That is until my mother came over.

No sooner had my little foster girl's wide and searching eyes landed on my mom, than her arms were up, asking mutely to be picked up. Mom, still in the hallway and hardly in the house, scooped her little Sissy into her embrace.

She melted into my mother. That moment changed everything. She remembered her Nana. She was safe. Her tiny body finally relaxed as she hid her face in my mother's shoulder. When she surfaced again, peeking at us from the depths of that hug, she was finally smiling. She had come home.

If you ever, ever wonder about what it means to be a grandparent, there aren't any words. Just an image of a poor lost little girl who couldn't quite remember the family who loved her until she was safe again in her grandmother's arms.

Foster. Care.

As a run of the mill mom who really is nothing special but who is also a foster mom, I hear versions of this a lot: You are so special! I couldn't be a foster parent. I would just be too sad when the child went away.

I'm never sure how to respond to this.

Here are some possibilities I've considered:

• "Yeah, you'd actually care about the child. That's too hard. Foster care is best left to those who are only intersted in the stipends."
• "It helps if you have a heart-ectomy before you start. Wanna see my scar?"
• "Oh, I agree. It takes a special person and you just don't seem to have that special specialness it takes to be special."

I don't think that would actually help matters. Sarcasm never solves social problems.

In 2008 there were an estimated 463,000 children in foster care. Over half of them were in foster homes like mine. Only a quarter of them were in placements with relatives. That's only 3/4 of the kids. Want to take a moment to guess where the other kids go?  The next largest chunk (about 10%) will be in "institutions." This can mean an orphanage type setting, like Boys' Town and Girls' Town, or more sadly, in a semi-permanent placement at a temporary facility. Then there are neighborhood group homes and supervised independent living arrangements. About 9,000 of those kids ran away and lived on city streets somewhere. Ever wonder about some of those young, homeless kids you've seen?

Foster Mom

Chances are you will meet with someone from the foster system. People involved in foster care don't have any visible signs that set us apart from other mere mortals. In fact we all look like ordinary people. I'm a foster parent and I look about as ordinary as you can get. 

A little more handsome than the run of the mill,
but you can see my point.

You might also meet our local news anchor, a Boys' Town graduate. Gosh, we kinda look just like ordinary people. That's the thing. We are ordinary. Just like you. There's nothing special about being a fostered child--it just happens. There's nothing special about being a foster parent either--my husband and I just decided to do it.

Maybe you or someone you know can make a decision like that. Or you might wind up meeting someone like this girl, someone who maybe could have used a safe place to go a few years back.

How can we make the list of foster parents waiting for children longer than the list of foster kids waiting for homes? Maybe we should make tours of the places kids go to wait for foster placement as common as bus tours. Think that would help matters?

I don't know the answer. You tell me. What would it take to get YOU to consider fostering?

Missing Baby Syndrome--A Strange Case for Foster Care

My husband and I can count to four quicker than a blink. It's how we keep track of our kids. We get in the car and count. We hand out the toothbrushes and count. We sit down to dinner and count.

You might say we get a bit obsessive. We do it not because we can't tell who's there in the blink of an eye, but because we are constantly suffering from what we call our "Missing Baby Syndrome."

We love kids. We'd have a houseful. With the size of our house, we actually do. It's why we foster, this love we have.

I remember our first fostered infant. (Since we can't use his real name for privacy reasons I'll use the name that still makes me tear up when I say it, "Ochee.") Ochee came to us addicted to methamphetamines at birth. To keep him quiet, his parents had also been dosing him with it. Not only was he addicted and giving him the drug stopped his craving, stimulants have the opposite effect on kids' nervous systems. He must have calmed right down. It took us about 6 weeks to do it.

You'd think I wouldn't tell you that if I wanted to talk you into fostering children.

What I'm telling you is this: holding a sobbing child in the middle of the night and praying the hardest you've ever prayed in your life is an avenue of great love. If you want to love someone in the same heart wrenching way that Christ loves you, foster. If you want to be the first soft voice in a young child's life and if you want to know what life's really all about, you will foster.

It's not easy. I sobbed for days when he left us. After the hair strand tests, the heart doctor, the neurosurgeon visits, and the long, long nights, he is now somebody else's sweet worry. But there is a part of him that will always be mine. The first laugh. The first time he touched my cheek and cooed. Those are mine. And the feeling that dogs us, that someone is missing when we count up the tally of our children, that's mine too.

Missing Baby Syndrome is that space in our lives that he filled. We miss him and all the other little ones who have come and gone in such sweet succession. I am so privileged to have had the chance to know them and give them a glimpse of how life was supposed to be.

My husband and I don't know everything there is to know about children, but we know this: all children are on loan from God, even the ones the who grow up right before your eyes.

"Pure religion and undefiled before our God and Father is this: to visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained by the world."
James 1:27