Pretty clear article. Here's the teaser to get you to click through…
Today's injunctions against birth control were re-affirmed in a 1968 document by Pope Paul VI called Humanae Vitae. He warned of four results if the widespread use of contraceptives was accepted:
General lowering of moral standards
A rise in infidelity, and illegitimacy
The reduction of women to objects used to satisfy men.
...must they also lose their spiritual home? I posted about the gift of love that is foster care as a guest on a new-to-me blog: Forever, For Always, No Matter What. Checkest thou it out!
I am in a bit of a rush today, trying to transform my copious notes on the need for Catholic foster families into a publishable form in various formats: a blog post, several guest blog posts, and articles for national Catholic family magazines. Therefore this 7 Quick Takes will be quick and dirty! Retweet me anyway! Help me spread the word!
Please read on and please help me spread the word. I am not shy. I write well. I interview well. Also pray that the article I'm writing gets picked up by a national publication. Oh, and yes, I will guest blog for you if you ask (if I don't ask you first).
#2
The Mission
I am sparse on the blog lately because I have hit the road, the microphone, and the keyboard working with CPS to recruit foster families. Let me give you the briefest of brief reasons why I am recruiting people, especially Catholics, to consider foster care:
The largest group of practicing Christians in this country is Catholic. It stands to reason that this means a large portion of foster children will also be Catholic. Regardless of the stats, there are children in my community who have lost everything when their family fell apart, including access to the comfort of their beautiful religion. The more bold of them are complaining that their foster families are not taking them to any church or are refusing to take them to a Catholic Church. My heart breaks for all those children who ache for their spiritual home but who are too shy or traumatized by the loss of their actual home to say a word. My answer to that is to say it for them at every opportunity and to invite you, John and Jane Q. Public, to consider foster care.
I first discussed it here on my Podcast with Deeper Truth.
Next I was interviewed by Stephanie Frausto on her Catholics in Action show on our local radio station KDJW 1360 AM this past Wednesday. It will be re aired on Saturday, April 20, from 5 to 6 p.m. Central and on Sunday, April 21, from 3 to 4 p.m. At those times, you can listen in here.
To be brief: I am on a mission here. Although several people at our local department hinted that they want me to apply for the upcoming vacancy in the paid position of a Faith Based Recruiter, my husband and I have elected to forgo that in order to have the freedom to be a bit more raw and real in our appeal. I am volunteering instead and will gladly work with the person they hire. I am writing articles, visiting churches, and going on the radio! Please help me spread the word?
#3
The House Qualified!
Our house is now certified once again as a foster/adoptive home for our local agency. We will still have to finish the few odd jobs before our next child is placed with us, but the paperwork is finished! Finally! Thank you for all your prayers and thank you, God!
Saint Joseph, pray for us!
#4
Things are Changing!
My parents are selling their home and purchasing a home to move onto our property. That way we can have my father settled in and “home” before he declines to the point where the move will only lead to confusion and fear. We have a few years before that, pray God. It will also lesson their financial and physical burden of caring for a home, as we will take over that. We have the privilege to have the means to do this for them. As I’ve joked with them, they get to be our guinea pigs. “Andy’s parents are about 10 years behind you guys, so we get to make all our mistakes on you first!”
I’m letting you all know this so you can understand why there has been a break in the blogging. The move is coming in a few weeks and we’ve had to rearrange the goat yard and build new fences in order to accommodate the new building. They will have a nice yard and a great view of the chickens, the goats, and the kids playing.
#5
Perspectives are Changing...
The neurologist who is helping my parents’ learn and cope with my father’s dementia has described a condition that begins in the late 30s. One of the signs of the disease process is a loss of the sense of smell and tone deafness. Both of these events happened before I was born. My father’s illness may have been affecting him my entire life.
I can not tell you, can not begin to tell you, how this changes my perspective on my childhood. It’s a game changer, I tell you. I feel a bit like Paul, the scales are off and my eyes are seeing a whole world.
#6
Can't We Bury Our Dead First?
The bombing in Boston has already been turned into political fodder by the extreme Right and extreme Left. I know that I am facing chastisement for saying such a thing, but people have died, a city is traumatized. Can we not get along for a few days more or shall we let the bombers’ next intention, that of furthering division in America, be another notch in their bomb belt?
#7
The Blog in Sweatpants and a Ponytail
I’m also sick with yet another fevery bug, so I’m keeping it brief today. Not only are the pretty pictures missing, I’m also not using my God given talent of humor to keep my readers reading. Sorry, folks. I hope you will be forgiving.
When the telltale signs of immanent regurgitation briefly interrupted our bedtime bedside chat, my nine-year-old son and I resumed with a new topic.
"Hairballs," he reflected, "that's not one of His finer creations."
"No," I replied, "and I wasn't too appreciative of the cat's gift."
"Or God's!" he said giggling.
Catching his giggle, I opine in my best God voice, "'Oh, my child, this steamy hairball is for your greater good! That you may grow in holiness!'"
Mimicking me, mimicking God, he deadpans, "'And besides, it's Lent.'"
Catholic humor. You just have to love it.
--2--
Speaking of Kids
America has stopped having them. We slipped below the replacement rate and are holding at about 1.9 children per woman. There's not a peep about this out there? Really? I guess we can all go quietly off into a demographic winter.
A link to the documentary released in 2009 entitled Demographic Bomb.
--3--
Speaking of low birthrates
There are forced sterilizations all over the world. The most widely known program, which is still little known, was during the 1990s when the World Health Organization swept through Peru taking women's fertility by stealth or bribery, often without the woman's consent or full understanding. The public outcry over the lack of follow up care made a stir on the fringes of American media. The practice is continuing. I know of a woman in Zimbabwe who had a tubal ligation performed on her without her or her husband's knowledge or consent while undergoing an unrelated procedure. The evidence of it was discovered as they investigated the cause of repeated miscarriages. Women's rights, indeed.
--4--
What, me marry?
According to the stats in this article about this article, young men are giving up on the idea of marriage. Predictably, not only are women angry about that, feminists are angry about women reporting about women being angry about that.
--5--
Spring Snow
It's snowing. It's freezing. It's Spring.
--6--
It's getting cheesy!
I made my first mozzarella of the season this week. For the first time in several years we have reliable air conditioning so I shall dabble once more in aged cheeses as the season progresses. Whoot!
--7--
A recipe
My Momma's Cereal
5 cups Old Fashioned Oats
1/2 cup oil
1 cup honey
Add nuts and various dried fruits as desired, 1 cup each
Heat oil and honey in a good sized pot until warm. Add oats and extras. Stir until well mixed.
Place mixture in a greased 13x9x2" pan and bake at 275 degrees for 1 hour, stirring every 20 minutes. Pour onto waxed paper and spread to cool. Break up and store in tightly lidded container.
Serve as a cereal or a yogurt or ice cream topping.
Sin is subtle. Sin is sneaky. Sometimes you can be so blinded to it you think you are pretty well-off sinwise. In that case I have some bad news for you: everyone sins. If you think you don't, you suffer from Pride. Seriously.
Satan is the subtlest of beasts. If he can't make you sin outright, he will attempt to steer you away from the greater good. Sin is anything that takes you away from God's will for you. It can be an obvious sin against the 10 Commandments, such as murder, or it can be a subtler form of the same sin like deciding to drink that extra glass of wine that tips you over the edge of drunkenness. You haven't murdered yourself, but you have damaged a few brain cells and made yourself incapable of safely driving or making good decisions until the effects wear off, which isn't good.
Sin is a matter of degree. It can be an inward inclination or an exterior action. It can be as serious as murder or as subtle allowing yourself to hate. I have already discussed the nature of sin, so instead of going any further along the road of debating the nature of sin, I'm instead attempting to arm you for battle against it.
Since this is the month for making resolutions this is a good time to discuss your personal battle against yourself, the battle against sin.
Just like the 10 Commandments can be used to diagnose sinfulness, so too can the Church's 2,000 year understanding of the nature of sin. The Church has helpfully categorized the sins that completely corrupt our relationship with God as the following: Pride, Envy, Gluttony, Lust, Anger, Greed, and Sloth. These are defined below:
Click
on the sin for a more in-depth review.
Pride
is excessive belief in one's own abilities, that interferes with the
individual's recognition of the grace of God. It has been called the
sin from which all others arise. Pride is also known as Vanity. Envy
is the desire for others' traits, status, abilities, or situation. Gluttony
is an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires. Lust
is an inordinate craving for the pleasures of the body. Anger
is manifested in the individual who spurns love and opts instead for
fury. It is also known as Wrath. Greed
is the desire for material wealth or gain, ignoring the realm
of the spiritual. It is also called Avarice or Covetousness. Sloth
is the avoidance of physical or spiritual work.
To battle these sins, one must cultivate the opposite virtue. According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church, a virtue is merely a habit of doing good (CCC 1803). As such you can develop and strengthen your virtue with practice, so there is hope for even the most habituated of sinners!
The
7 Capital Sins and their Contrary Virtues
Capital
Sin
Definition
Contrary Virtue
Pride
Unrestrained
appreciation of our own worth
Humility
Greed
Immoderate desire
for earthly goods
Liberality
Lust
Hankering for impure
pleasures
Chastity
Anger
Inordinate desire
for revenge
Meekness
Gluttony
Unrestrained use
of food and drink
Temperance
Envy
Sorrow over another's
good fortune
Brotherly Love
Sloth
Laxity in keeping
the Faith and the practice of virtue
Humility battles pride, kindness envy, abstinence gluttony, chastity lust, patience anger, liberality greed, and diligence sloth. Here is a brief definition of each of these Virtues.
Humility is the honest recognition of our total dependence on God, a recognition of our strengths and weaknesses, and a recognition that both are meant for His service. Our strengths are given us in order to do His work in service to the Body of Christ and our weaknesses are to remind us to rely on Him alone while doing it.
Liberality could be called generosity. It is habit of using our resources, our time and our talents in the service of God.
Chastity is the control of one's senses so that the sexual drive does not control us but rather we it. It brings our desires for sexual union under the control of the intellect so that we are not enslaved and limited by so powerful an urge.
Meekness is the habit of placing others' needs above one's own. It is the habit borne of patience.
Temperance is the practice of keeping a good from going bad. It is the act of staying in control of the senses so that one is not overwhelmed or dehumanized by life's pleasures. The daily practice of Temperance reminds us that we are not to be enslaved by anything, even a good thing like pleasure.
Brotherly Love is the happiness we feel or the happiness we choose to dwell upon in the face of another's blessings. It is the joy we feel when our coworker receives a promotion and it is purposefully turning away from the twinges of jealousy our feelings may concurrently generate.
Diligence is the decision to fulfill the responsibilities our state in life demands of us. It is changing a dirty diaper for a parent, praying the Liturgy of the Hours for the Religious, and studying hard for the student.
If you have no idea what your habitual or primary sin is, your spiritual director or regular confessor can guide you. If he can not, I might suggest finding a new confessor in the New Year. Make a study of 7 Deadly Sins and the Virtues you will need to develop to combat them. Remember that prayer is the first step in any spiritual battle. Ask God for Virtues and ask Him for insight into your character. Pray always, my friends, and tend your garden. He wants you to grow in holiness. Ask and you shall receive.
Meanwhile as my gift to you, here is a lovely prayer you can begin with: It is a part of my personal New Year's Resolution. Enjoy...
Litany
of Humility
RafaelCardinal Merry del Val
(1865-1930),
Secretary of State for Pope Saint Pius X
O Jesus! meek and humble of
heart, Hear me.
Fromthe desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Jesus.From the desire of being loved...
From the desire of being extolled ...
From the desire of being honored ...
From the desire of being praised ...
From the desire of being preferred to others...
From the desire of being consulted ...
From the desire of being approved ...
From the fear of being humiliated ...
Fromthe fear of being despised...
From the fear of suffering rebukes ...
From the fear of being calumniated ...
From the fear of being forgotten ...
From the fear of being ridiculed ...
From the fear of being wronged ...
From the fear of being suspected ... That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may be esteemed more than I ...
That, in the opinion of the world,
others may increase and I may decrease ...
That others may be chosen and I set aside ...
That others may be praised and I unnoticed ...
That others may be preferred to me in everything...
That others may become holier than I,provided
that I may become as holy as I should…
Robert Frost's proverb "Good fences make good neighbors"
applies especially to differences of faith.
My sister is Mormon. I'm Catholic. There are important matters of the faith that we do not agree upon. You would think this would cause tense moments and awkward silences. You would think there should be subjects we must avoid at all costs. You would think this difference would cause strife and division between us. It doesn't.
It really doesn't. My sister taught me the skill of holding onto your most precious beliefs while respecting that others disagree. In other words she taught me the skill to tolerate any one's right to be wrong. Because of her, I can look her in the eye, disagreeing with her completely, and still find love. Before I was even a Christian, she showed me how to love in Christian Charity. She showed me that when you hold the Truth in your heart, it is like an armor. Nothing can touch it.
She showed me how to be unshakable.
So, how does that translate in a world where disagreements of the sort that exist between Mormonism and Catholicism lead to harsh words and strong emotions at best? It looks an awful lot like what you will hear on this podcast. We are very matter of fact about our respective faiths. We listen. We find the common ground and point out the differences. We allow space to exist where it exists and we don't insist on agreement. We build a good fence in that particular spot and gaze over it, saying, "Well, that is different."
That doesn't mean the differences aren't fundamental or essential. It simply means that I know her heart is for God. She is in the palm of His hand, and I know He loves her perfectly. I tell her the truth of my faith, she tells me the truths of hers, and then we live those truths the best way we can.
She is no hypocrite, my sister, I can tell you that. So I can trust her to be wrong. She can trust me to be. We both love each other and believe wholeheartedly, "I can trust God with her."
I guess that kind of faith in God and His providence is one of those spots where there is a gate in our fence. It's a place where we find common ground, where we can really open up and see into each other's fields for a short distance. We won't agree on everything, but this little spot is good. We can rest there for a little while.
So what if she prays for me and not so secretly wishes I was Mormon? I pray for her and wish she were Catholic. That's perfectly okay. Conversion is a continual return to God, so if she prays for my conversion I am strengthened by her prayers, and she, the same.
I trust so completely that God meets us where we are. She is there. I am here.
--------
The idea for this show came from a Facebook discussion of the Vice Presidential debate that turned quickly into an anti-Romney, anti-Mormon thread. I countered, with help from a young woman of my acquaintance, and decided it was an opportunity to clear up some falsehoods about Mormonism. The first step to good apologetics is education, so here is an opportunity to learn about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints from someone who knows her faith and lives it.
Nick Alexander (whose name is familiar because he is the songwriter and star of the video you just watched) is not just any songwriter, he's a Catholic Speaker, comedian, and convert. He's been called plenty of names but my personal favorites are the King of Catholic Comedy and the Catholic Weird Al. He will be on next Wednesday's Garden of Holiness show, February 29th. You can check him out, book him as a speaker, and buy his albums here at the Nick Alexander website.
I had to give them my name, my email, and my zip code to do it. Now it is known to anyone who is making a list and checking it twice that I will not stand by and have my religion defined by government.
You can not mandate the Church out of existence. You can not infringe upon the Civil Liberties of American Citizens. You can not make Catholics and Catholic Institutions second class citizens. I won't stand for it.
I am honored to be the sponsor of Miss Rose Ohmes. She has chosen Saint Genevieve as her patron on this day that she takes up the Armor of Christ of her own free will. May all the Host of Heaven pray for us, especially in these days.
Saint Genevieve Ora Pro Nobis
This saint is doubly precious to me. She made a decision as a young girl to become a saint for God and did so, giving me hope for all of us on our journey to Christ. She is more precious still because I have a daughter in Heaven by that name. Young Miss Ohmes has that precious Genevieve praying for her, too.
Saint Genevieve Information to follow from Catholic.org
St.
Genevieve was born about the year 422, at Nanterre near Paris. She was
seven years old when St. Germain of Auxerre came to her native village
on his way to great Britain to combat the heresy of Pelagius. The child stood in the midst of a crowd gathered around the man of God, who singled her out and foretold her future sanctity. At her desire the holy Bishop led her to a church, accompanied by all the faithful, and consecrated her to God as a virgin.
When Attila was reported to be marching on Paris, the inhabitants of the city prepared to evacuate, but St. Genevieve persuaded them to avert the scourge by fasting
and prayer, assuring them of the protection of Heaven. The event
verified the prediction, for the barbarian suddenly changed the course
of his march.
The life of St. Genevieve was one of great austerity, constant prayer, and works of charity. She died in the year 512. Her feast day is January 3rd.
She dressed in a long flowing gown with a mantle covering her shoulders, similar to the type of garments the Blessed Mother wore. One of the symbols of this saint is a loaf of bread because she was so generous to those in need.
I am among the first to yell, "Neopagan!" in a crowded sanctuary, so let me tell you I have looked at the myths surrounding Halloween. I have been sensitive to the ideas roaming around that roaming around at night in costume is somehow Satanic. I have come to the conclusion that taking three days to dress up, eat candy, carve pumpkins, and pretend to scare one another with spiders and "boo" noises is about as sinister as a Christmas tree in the living room. We won't touch the gore and ghouls, of course, unless you are talking martyrs, but it's official! The Martins are celebrating. Not only that, we are hitting Mass to pray and we're going to the cemetery to pray. We may even place flowers on our relatives' graves. How wicked! We will even pray for the repose of their souls. We are Catholic, after all!
Boo, ya'll!
Here are the 5 top reasons we are celebrating...
1 - The fact that people like you and me have achieved Heaven is reason to celebrate, indeed!
2 - We are Catholic. We celebrate holidays for weeks on end. Taking three days to celebrate the idea of people achieving Heaven seems understated.
3 - My kids dress up almost daily. They beg for candy even more often. Dressing up to ask for candy seems natural.
4 - Holidays garner silly rituals even faster than they develop serious ones. Carving a pumpkin is no less trivial and fun than decorating Easter eggs.
It wasn't more than a few weeks after my conversion from being an unrepentant heathen that my husband and I were treated to a homily about how we were to see Jesus in everyone we meet. Throughout the homily I doubtfully reviewed all the non-Jesus-like jerks I knew and wondered how this was even possible. My husband and I discussed it while threading through the post-Mass crowd. It became apparent that seeing Jesus-ness in others was second nature to him. I explained that I found people more annoying than Christlike, generally, and then he made the point that if I was redeemable, wasn't everyone? I didn't like the implications of that, but I had to concede his point. He suggested that it was their redeemability that I had to look for in order to see Jesus in anyone. Easy enough for him, I thought, as we made it to the car. I maneuvered to the driver's side purely because he'd out maneuvered me in logic. I shot him one of my patented "I'm done because you won this one" looks over the roof of the car before getting in. As was usual, traffic and people were swarming all over that parking lot. Just as I was to turn left into the main flow to the road, a little old lady in a baby blue Lincoln pulled out from a parking space and shot into the gap ahead of me. "JESUS!" I shouted, and then finished lamely, trying hard to recover from the preconversion habit of using His name as a swear word, "just cut me off..."
It's not just for bloggers, that's just
me and my alliteration addiction.
These are a few of my favorite Catholic on-line media things!
Here's the meme: Today, March 15, everyone with a blog, podcast, or Facebook page is listing their favorite 3 blogs, 3 podcasts, 3 other media, 3 random Catholic things online, (don't forget your own projects). Post the link to the list here. While you are at it, head on over to iTunes and promote some quality Catholic projects over there by writing at least 3 positive reviews for various Catholic podcasts and 3 positive written reviews for Catholic mobile applications.
Spread the love, people, and get the word out on some of your favorite Catholic on-line media internet thingies!
3 Blogs
I read these every time they post anything. I'm a real bloupie! (blog groupie) I bloup a lot of other very good blogs, but I'm following the rules here, you understand.
An actual podcast I actually seek out! Where food meets faith! You know I can't get enough of the Catholic Foodie. (Zero calories and high drool potential)
Kresta in the Afternoon How can I resist? This man has interviews from people perched on every branch of human endeavors.
Here they are on the web, but where they really excel is their television and radio broadcasts. They need a bit of work on-line still (their streaming media is glitchy and they are still building the EWTN Kids section 3 years later), but they are providing content for radio and television around the world. It is good stuff.
Catholic Fiction
Father Elijah, Fatherless, Motherless. What more can I say other than we...need...more! Request them at your local library and check them out. Buy them for your own shelves.
Although it is not exclusively Catholic, this is where many of us Catholic bloggers go to let our hair down. It's a social networking site that works. I'm temporarily setting my privacy to public so that if you click on the link, you can view my page, and you will be invited. There's a bummer to this because it is Lent and a lot of us are fasting, but you can get a lot of quality Catholic discussion on Plurk, as well as some steam-releasing silliness. Love it.
Excellent magazine with an excellent on-line presence.
I know I should have more pictures and make this a prettier media promotion, but I'm feeling rather lazy and...oh drecks. It's Lent! I'm trudging off to cut and paste and emptying a wing of Purgatory. This will make no sense because by the time you can see it, there...will...be...pictures. *sighs*
I got an e-mail from a friend wondering what in the world was going on in the Catholic Church. According to the media, the Church had changed it's teaching. Impossible. It simply can't. The media got it wrong. Again and as usual.
The response:
Sent: Mon, Nov 22, 2010 01:29 PM
It looks like people are listening to the media again, P***, who reported that the Pope said the exact opposite of what he actually said. Also, this was an interview and not him sitting down with pen and paper to clearly articulate each and every word. I've been interviewed once, and everything I wanted to say wasn't said and what I did say looked very different in the article itself. It really was odd.
The whole of the comment, which I've read, makes clear that what the pope is saying is that you can use the fact that the man is using a condom to explain to him that there are limits to his behavior. To show him that even he is aware that he can't just do whatever he wants, which is the stated belief of the culture. The pope does go on to say that condoms are NOT the answer, that the church is NOT changing it's stance, and that condoms spread disease and are a part of the problem. It's like evangelizing a bank robber, "See? You don't shoot the teller because it's wrong to kill, agreed? Now, about that bank robbing..."
The media wants the church to change its mind so it can continue to beat the drum that salvation is through Latex Alone. It'll do anything it can to make it look that way. One of the main problems with communicating with the media is that the Church, the Pope, and the Lord refuse to communicate in sound bytes. You have to get the whole of the communication and not the itty bitty parts. Even then, the world wants its sin justified and will take anything and twist it to that end.
If you're not being persecuted, misunderstood, and misquoted, you're not doing it right. Right?
REWIND WEEKEND: As I am off on retreat this weekend, I thought I would rerun some of the marriage posts. We can all use a refresher course on being sweet, after all. (Me included and me especially!)
The Culture of Divorce
"The unchallenged acceptance of divorce has infected our world with hopelessness" from the Retrouvaille vision statement
A friend lamented recently, "Why wasn't I taught how to be a wife when I was growing up?"
I thought on that for a split second and then I opened my mouth and said something along the lines of: well, my mom had tried her best. She wanted to teach me to be independent. She made sure I knew how to balance a checkbook and stay within a budget. She stressed the importance of maintaining good credit, limiting your debts, and paying your bills on time. She also trained me up to maintain a house for myself. I could cook, clean, maintain a decent schedule for myself so I didn't burn out. I resisted all along the way, of course. She insisted on choosing a solid, dependable career as part of my training, and it was in college that I learned to resist anything that resembled "women's work." If it smacked of the domestic chains, I wanted nothing of it. She had her work cut out for her.
When I took a breath and she had half a chance, my friend, obviously a tiny bit irritated with me a bit, said, "Not that stuff. That other stuff."
Come to find out what she really meant was the skills like keeping your mouth shut when you want to let loose, apologizing without rationalizing, allowing space for emotions without letting them run the show. That's a whole different kind of training.
All my married life I've struggled to learn That Other Stuff.
The more I thought about this the more I realized I've been trained to be divorced better than I'd been trained to be married.
Here's some Divorce Preparation Tips I picked up along the way:
Get a career and keep your own money in case he dumps you.
Keep track of what belongs to whom.
Let him know exactly how you feel.
Men want to rule women.
Men are silly.
Men don't feel.
There's no difference between men and women--it's all cultural.
Because you feel it, it must be true.
You're not just arguing with your husband, you are arguing with thousands of years of male domination and female repression.
Most of this "helpfulness" came from those women's magazines that are chock full of articles my husband and I joking refer to as "How to be divorced in 6 years or less!" The real stuff took some real maturity and some real pains to learn.
The Real Stuff like:
There's no winning an argument.
Actions speak louder than words.
Emotions are just emotions.
Love and trust are not emotions all the time: sometimes they are conscious decisions you make.
There's No Winning an Argument
You can win debates. You can even even win the lottery, but an argument with your spouse is unwinnable. Winning means there's a loser and when there's a loser, you both lose. It's like scoring a touchdown against your own side. You and he are in this together. You're a team. You may have won the war of words, but you've lost something more important. Keeping score and using conflict to do it is a no-win.
You need to approach conflict as the inevitable result of two people living in close proximity. You're going to have to come to a compromise of some sort. This other person has needs and desires that are at the very least just as important as yours. Try to find a way to accommodate each other. The first step is to listen to him. Try restating his argument for him. "Are you saying...help me understand." Let him know you are really listening and really considering his side. That generally takes the heat out of the friction between you, and once that happens you can get down to the business of working things out.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
Are you still acting single? Do you have your own space, your own money, your own stuff? Do you make decisions that will affect the two of you without his input just because you can or even because you merely feel like it? Do you resent the demands he makes upon you?
If so, consider how loudly you are communicating two thing: my spouse doesn't make a difference in my life and he is not worth any extra effort on my part. You may not ever say such rude comments out loud, but consider how much wear and tear is done to the relationship when you daily act as if they were your truth.
But He Isn't Perfect!
If you are expecting him to be perfect before you are willing to make any changes yourself, you'll have a very long wait. Neither he, nor you, will ever attain that glorious state. Waiting for him to change first is a perfect excuse. It's your handy dandy get of responsibility free card. When you find yourself thinking he doesn't deserve the best from you, I can pretty much guarantee you probably don't deserve the best from him either.
Update:"Aw, man! Somebody else won it? Oh great! Now I have to exercise charity and humility and stuff. Is it still Monday?"...tap...tap...tap..."Is this keyboard on? Hello?"
The Careless Catholic is giving away a mantilla. Yes, Kelly's one of THOSE Catholics--a Mantilla Wearing Momma.
She shows her special status by draping herself with lace. She is a tabernacle for the life-giving God, a co-creator, a vessel for the generations. She is a treasure. She is woman! Hear her...chant in Latin, ask complicated Liturgical questions, sing a lullaby, discover her true feelings about teaching grammar to tweens! (She's not the boring roaring type...)
This is one of my all time favorite incidents from the New Testament. Here are these guys standing around with their mouths agape in wonder and awe, when this Angel comes along to say, "Don't you have work to do? Get busy, people!"
It appeals to me for very obvious reasons: I'm a busy mom. Although I try not to be fruitlessly busy or overly busy, my wonderful and awesome moments are necessarily brief. Five little angels are constantly calling me back to the world of duties and obligations, even when they themselves are the reason I am standing stunned (in awe or in apoplexy--hang that concupiscence!).
I particularly like the implications of this story. The visual work of conversions and baptisms doesn't get rolling until Pentecost--11 days from now (counting today). So the important work they were being called to do first was prayer. Sometimes half the battle, or most likely all of the battle, is that interior one of getting your mind fit for the task at hand.
My job is like that. What I consider important is the clean house, the well fed tummies, the fresh diaper, but all of this is merely detail. My real job is to love, and love is both a decision and an action. It is oftentimes an interior attitude adjustment that lets me smile in the place of a frown, sigh in the place of a shout. My real vocation is to be a good wife and mother who turns her whims and fancies into gifts of herself. My first job is prayer. My second is love, and all that that entails.
Although I have yet to live in a diocese that celebrates Ascension Thursday on Thursday--here in Amarillo we move this celebration to this coming up Sunday--I wanted to honor the day.
