7 Quick and Late Random Takes

--1--

When the telltale signs of immanent regurgitation briefly interrupted our bedtime bedside chat, my nine-year-old son and I resumed with a new topic.

"Hairballs," he reflected, "that's not one of His finer creations."

"No," I replied, "and I wasn't too appreciative of the cat's gift."

"Or God's!" he said giggling.

Catching his giggle, I opine in my best God voice, "'Oh, my child, this steamy hairball is for your greater good! That you may grow in holiness!'"

Mimicking me, mimicking God, he deadpans, "'And besides, it's Lent.'"

Catholic humor. You just have to love it.

--2--

Speaking of Kids

America has stopped having them. We slipped below the replacement rate and are holding at about 1.9 children per woman. There's not a peep about this out there? Really? I guess we can all go quietly off into a demographic winter.

Here's an article on it for further study...What to expect when nobody's expecting

A link to the documentary released in 2009 entitled Demographic Bomb.

--3--

Speaking of low birthrates

There are forced sterilizations all over the world. The most widely known program, which is still little known, was during the 1990s when the World Health Organization swept through Peru taking women's fertility by stealth or bribery, often without the woman's consent or full understanding. The public outcry over the lack of follow up care made a stir on the fringes of American media. The practice is continuing. I know of a woman in Zimbabwe who had a tubal ligation performed on her without her or her husband's knowledge or consent while undergoing an unrelated procedure. The evidence of it was discovered as they investigated the cause of repeated miscarriages. Women's rights, indeed.

--4--

What, me marry?

According to the stats in this article about this article, young men are giving up on the idea of marriage. Predictably, not only are women angry about that, feminists are angry about women reporting about women being angry about that.

--5--

Spring Snow

It's snowing. It's freezing. It's Spring.

--6--

It's getting cheesy!

I made my first mozzarella of the season this week. For the first time in several years we have reliable air conditioning so I shall dabble once more in aged cheeses as the season progresses. Whoot!

--7--

A recipe

My Momma's Cereal

5 cups Old Fashioned Oats
1/2 cup oil
1 cup honey
Add nuts and various dried fruits as desired, 1 cup each

Heat oil and honey in a good sized pot until warm. Add oats and extras. Stir until well mixed.

Place mixture in a greased 13x9x2" pan and bake at 275 degrees for 1 hour, stirring every 20 minutes. Pour onto waxed paper and spread to cool. Break up and store in tightly lidded container.

Serve as a cereal or a yogurt or ice cream topping.

It's Ash Wednesday!

Before you run off to get your sackcloth and ashes, I have to share two things, one reminder, and a tease.

Thing 1

This is a printable Lenten Calendar for kids developed by Catholic Icing...

Click here to go to Catholic Icing to get your clean, printable copy!

Thing 2

The Happy Fasting Earworm!

The Reminder

Not only is it Ash Wednesday, it's Wednesday, so I will be podcasting again tonight at 9:00 p.m. Eastern/8:00 p.m. Central. This link will take you to the podcasting site for the Garden of Holiness show at Deeper Truth. You can join in the conversation via the chatroom or call in with questions and comments (646) 595-2071. Tonight's show topic is fasting and Lent. What else?

The Tease 

Nick Alexander (whose name is familiar because he is the songwriter and star of the video you just watched) is not just any songwriter, he's a Catholic Speaker, comedian, and convert. He's been called plenty of names but my personal favorites are the King of Catholic Comedy and the Catholic Weird Al. He will be on next Wednesday's Garden of Holiness show, February 29th. You can check him out, book him as a speaker, and buy his albums here at the Nick Alexander website.

The Mumble Rule

In her book What Southern Women Know (That Every Woman Should), Rhonda Rich points out, "The major difference between Southern women and ruthless manipulators when it comes to charm and flattery is that Southern women use charm and flattery on everyone." Most days it's just too hot to keep track of whose turn it is to be wrapped around your little finger, is all. If we Southern gals are going to use our wiles, we are just going to have to use them wholesale. It is only manipulation if you dazzle in secret. When you are blazoning your intent to charm, it's called hospitality.

Charlotte, hard at work.

We sultry Magnolias do need to let off a little steam, to be sure. It's hard and sweaty work to move the world with a smile. How do we manage? We have our ways...

The Mumble Rule

The Mumble Rule can be summed up as follows: a true Southern lady can say nearly anything bordering on the impolite, as long as it is Mumbled. When questioned on the Mumble, it is understood that the response to, "What did you say, dear?" is to smile, tilt your head a bit, while asking with all due innocence, "What?" It is also understood that the subject upon which you have Mumbled, and indeed the Mumble itself, shall forever be dropped, at least while in your mutual presence, at least until the next opportune Mumble, or at least until you have a chance to dish about it with your respective Mommas over an iced tea.

"You won't believe what she said. She pretended I couldn't hear her, but I heard her, Momma."

For the uninitiated, there are subtleties to The Mumble Rule too intricate to be blogged. The red tape sticks mainly to the words, nearly anything and bordering on the impolite. The only truly concrete portion of the rule is the lady part, which is why my husband is so funny.

Although my husband was born a Yankee, Southern is like a second language to him. No one has ever explained The Mumble Rule to him, yet he knows it by heart, like all intelligent and dashing gentlemen. Having broken the etiquette of not speaking about etiquette in mixed company (there are Bostonians present), I shall explain that men don't ever Mumble. Boys sometimes do, but like a splash of glitter nail polish, applied by a real man, Mumbling is simply funny.

When my husband Mumbled while I made coffee this morning, he lightened the mood considerably. He made me laugh out loud. It was a true Geography Joke: not only did you have to be there to get it, you had to actually be from here.

My laughter and my response, "Did you just Mumble at me?!" was countered with, "I know! I knew you'd catch that!" My oldest daughter did not get the joke, but she perked up her ears. At 5 she knows when something flies over her head.

She's learning.

Lent: It's easier with music...

Happy Fasting!

What to do while I wait for the kids to wake up...

It should probably involve something more creative than meandering through the web...

It's Time for Epic Parent Fails--Time-Out Edition!

The Official Disclaimer for Nana: No actual Martin was harmed in the making of this blog.

This is not a Martin.

Since it is always fun to learn from other people's mistakes, and since I'm a little desperate for material this week, I thought I might share with you some of my hard won insights into parenting. Yes, folks, I'm going to share with you the bad and the ugly.

It's time for Epic Parent Fails: Time-Out Edition!

Time outs are not complicated. They aren't even hard. So why, oh why, can't I get them right? Here are some real life Epic Parent Fails at my house.

When it's too short...

After wailing and moaning throughout the entire time-out the toddler says, "I happy!" the instant you relent.

Said toddler, after a serving hard time for hitting, says the obligatory, "I sorry," to her sister before popping her a fresh one.

When it's too long...

You discover after finishing up the lunch dishes that you've got two kids against the wall and you can't remember why.

A good sign you've not been keeping a close enough eye on the little felons...

You order one errant child into time-out and discover the other four standing against the wall when you turn around.

A sign that they eventually learn something...

In the girls' room all the baby dolls are lined up against the wall while two preschool mommies lecture about the kind of behavior they expect in their house. Within moments there is a "tearful" dolly reconcilliation scene worthy of the Hallmark Channel!

Your oldest transgressor marches himself off to his time-out spot while you are still mentally counting to 10.

Ahhh....

I've been waiting all Lent for this...

History Lesson!

With that graph in mind, I pulled together a few sites for you. Exam season is coming.

After this one, you'll never forget the Mesopotamians again!


I just like it because of that goat.

If you know the Presidents, you can keep track of the American History timeline. Use the Animaniacs to get them memorized. You never know when you'll need to know what you know.



If none of these suit your taste or needs, here is a link to a gazillion more.

Yeah, so maybe the next stop should be math--for the names of numbers more than 999,999,999,999. We may need those names if the only thing we want to emulate from President Bushie is the money problems.

Because it's Monday and you need more coffee...

After a brief, shining moment, the week is back, and it wants revenge for all the fun you had without it over the weekend!

Distract it with this and maybe it will forgive you and play nice.

P.S. Always read those post scripts.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day

Because it's Monday and you need more coffee...

After a brief, shining moment, the week is back, and it wants revenge for all the fun you had without it over the weekend!

Distract it with this and maybe it will forgive you and play nice...

Yeah, in your dreams, bird.  You're an American!

Halfway There!

Just in case you are getting a little tired of the sackcloth and ashes, here's a story about another 40 days...

"How long can you tread water?"

It's Friday, it's Lent, and you just aren't in the mood for fish? (Black Bean Soup Recipe)

Well, that's weird. Fish is so versatile. It's so good for you. It's...um...well, fishy.

I guess I see your point.

Have you ever considered converting? No? I was almost Jewish once, but that's a different story, and then again, that wouldn't help. If I can't handle going without meat four days out of the year, can you imagine me during Passover? "Hand me the sackcloth and ashes, I'm eating crackers...again!"

At the very least my whining will take the form of recipes you actually may want to eat. I'm a firm believer in not eating food that isn't edible. Diet food? Psssht! Fat free with an ingredient list the length of a Sinclair Lewis novel? Really, no, I just couldn't.

Here's a tip for avoiding that socially awkward ordeal:

How nice that you found the fat free alternative, and by the way, I'm...fasting. It's too bad I can't try any of that right now. You can have it all, really, and did you know I can fast for an entire day? Wanna watch? It's good for me. Yes, even better than Olestra!

Black Bean Soup

1 tablespoon olive oil
1 chopped onion
4 cloves garlic, pressed
2 small bell peppers (use red ones if you want a pretty soup)
1/2 teaspoon oregano
1/2 teaspoon thyme
1 teaspoon cumin
1 teaspoon paprika
1/4 teaspoon ground mustard
pinch of red pepper flakes
4 cans chicken broth
4 cans drained black beans
salt and pepper to taste

In the soup pot, using medium heat, cook the onions, garlic and peppers until the onions are translucent, taking care not to let the garlic brown. Add the broth and spices* and bring to a boil. Add beans, bring to a boil again. Salt and pepper to taste.

If you have a blender, blend half the soup (in small batches!) and add back to the soup. If you don't like the mess or you prefer to chew your own soup, make a cornstarch roux to thicken it--mix until completely dissolved 3 tablespoons of cornstarch with 3/4 cup water, add to soup and continue boiling for 2 minutes.

To round out the meal, serve with cornbread and a green salad.



*Here's a flavor blaster tip: premix the spices and have them in a bowl set aside and ready to go. When the onions are just about ready, toss the spices into the pot and "fry" them for about 1 minute, stirring constantly. Then add your broth.

Because it's Monday and you need more coffee...

After a brief, shining moment, the week is back, and it wants revenge for all the fun you had without it over the weekend!

Distract it with this and maybe it will forgive you and play nice.

One more week and the longest month of the year is endured! I thought I'd give you one in color this week to perk you up for the final sprint.

(click on the cartoon to see the whole thing)

Police reported dozens of cheerful bystanders, yet no one claims to have seen who did it.

Because it's Monday and you need more coffee...

After a brief, shining moment, the week is back, and it wants revenge for all the fun you had without it over the weekend!

Distract it with this and maybe it will forgive you and play nice.




*psst! If you don't get it, read the caption underneath the comic.



You're welcome.

Because it's Monday and you need more coffee...

After a brief, shining moment, the week is back, and it wants revenge for all the fun you had without it over the weekend!

Distract it with this and maybe it will forgive you and play nice.

(click on the cartoon to see the whole thing)

Because it's Monday and you need more coffee...

After a brief, shining moment, the week is back, and it wants revenge for all the fun you had without it over the weekend!

Distract it with this and maybe it will forgive you and play nice.


Click to see the whole cartoon. Use the Magnifying Glass to enlarge.