Forgiveness: A How To and a Why To

If you're having trouble forgiving someone, you know that your life keeps circling back to that person and their actions. You can't keep yourself from discussing it, from thinking of it, from using that period as the go-to excuse for failures that truly have nothing directly to do with that situation. How do I know this? I have been there, circling that same drain.

Not forgiving someone is a trap. It makes that moment in time, that person the center of your life. You never, ever move on. If you don't move on, you don't ever get away from it.

You are still right there in that Hell.

To Be Crass...

Don't let crap rule your life.
Deal with it and move on.

It's in your best interests to forgive. It doesn't mean that what happened was right or good or anything. It just means that you are ready to set that person free from your desire to personally witness justice. You'll let God deal with that situation and that person.

Forgiveness is an admission that you are not in control,

You aren't now and you weren't then,

And you're moving on because

There is only one thing

You can actually

Control:

You.

Forgiveness gets you out of the mess you were in. Finally. It gets you out mentally and emotionally. You get to finally be free.

Freedom! I highly recommend it.

So, here's the deal. If you find it hard to forgive, let me let you in on the Great Big Secret. Forgiveness is not a feeling. It's not a once and for all type of thing. It's a decision. You make it every time you are tempted to dwell on that person, that moment, that perfectly justifiable anger.

Here's how it works. You think of that person and you say, "Okay, that was bad, but I forgive it." Then you give yourself permission to think of something else. When your thoughts drift back you get to tell your thoughts, "Been there, done that. There's no more fruit here. I've forgiven."

It's that simple. It's a process. At first it's simply that: a mental action that you decide to make. After a period of time--days, weeks, months, years, or decades--you will find that this little mental ritual will not be necessary quite so often. If you had to struggle to think of anything else at first, then three times a day after a year or so is an improvement.

Here's the other thing. Some people with certain temperaments do have an easier time with this process. It's true. It's harder for you.

How do I know that? Because you're the type who reads this type of thing. You're like me: you need to learn people stuff. I've always needed Human Lessons. It's why I can write about it. Someone taught me or I went out and did what you're doing. I looked it up. There are those who seem born knowing this stuff. Not me. Not you either.

Life's complicated. People can wreck a person. It's tough going, for sure.

Just keep in mind that Christ told us we are to forgive someone 70 times 7 times. I'd always assumed that he meant to forgive someone every time they did something wrong. Now that I'm in the cycle of forgiveness I get it. He means sometimes you have to forgive a person that many times for just one bad moment. He's talking process here.

I hope you get it. Your life is worth the trouble it takes to forgive. In fact, you will only get your life back once you forgive.

Moment by blessed moment.