Five Years Ago Today

It was a dark and stormy night five years ago. The remnants of Hurricane Dolly were descending upon Amarillo and we were on our way to the hospital. After the storm and the water broke, we came face to face with our Sylvia for the first time.

She's a bit bigger now than she was back then.

That's supposedly Cinderalla's shoe and crown on the cake there.

Sisters waiting semi-patiently for the above mentioned cake.

The pre-candle pose.

Singing the birthday song to the birthday girl!

The Martin Girls in art and in real life!

A favorite present from Maga arrived in time for the party!

She's ready to take on the world!

Happy birthday to my little Big Girl!

Not Good Enough (A Post a Day #6)

Jennifer Fulwiler at Conversion Diary came up with this idea of challenging her fellow bloggers into posting every day for a week. It was supposed to get your blogging grove going while taming that inner perfectionist that is never satisfied enough to actually hit the "Publish" button.

For the most part, it's been easy for me this week. Today, Day #6, is the first day that I've sat down and wondered why I signed up for this. I'm busy, after all. That's my go-to excuse lately, but that's just my excuse. My real reason is that inner demon who tends to turn anything I do into an accusation of me or it being "not good enough."

I'm not unique in this. Everyone has to face down this particular demon. We're all continually telling ourselves we're not good enough to make the grade, fit in, get that raise, or deserve any kind of love or respect. The Self-Esteem Movement of the 90s was rather silly, but it was custom made to address those inner insecurities.

Let me let you in on a little, middle aged secret. To combat that lying inner voice that is constantly belittling you and your efforts, you do exactly what I'm doing here. You leap. You forge ahead. You act as if that voice didn't exist. You behave as if you were confident, or deserving, or competent and then simply do whatever that voice is trying to stop you from doing.

That's the cure. The voice never goes away, really, but he has to change his tune after a success or two. Then it says, "That was good, so good, in fact, that you'll never measure up to that level again. Better quit now." The same cure applies.

So, since I answered Jennifer's challenge, I would like to challenge you. If you've got something in you and you've been allowing it to be bullied out of existence by the "Not Good Enough"s, it's time to leap. Let whatever it is that is in you be born. Let it breathe a bit.

Some things worth doing are worth doing badly. Just do it. You can always spiffy things up much better after they actually exist.

7 Quick and Cranky Takes

--1-- The Day Started with a Bad Attitude

While setting the table for breakfast, "I should take a nap."

After the workout, "I deserve a nap."

Staring at the lunch dishes, "I'd rather nap."

--2-- Interrupted by a Bright Moment: Mr. Baby's First Walk

We went for a quick family walk. The baby smiled in his sleep and it was lovely, peaceful, and bonding to have us all out walking and enjoying the cool summer morning.

--3-- And then came chores, and I was all...

"I'm doing all the work here, ya' lazy spray bottle!"

--4-- I had to catch up on the laundry

By the third load I was like, "The laundry is against me."

--5-- And cook.

"Et tu, hot sauce?"

--6-- Of course, I had leftovers to take care of.

"!!!"

--7-- By the end of the day I realized

Oh, yeah. It's time for Confession.

3 Reasons You Should Schedule Date Nights (A Post a Day #3)

As is my usual I'm going to write on how I get it wrong so that you can get it right. One of the many ways I tend to take my marriage for granted is by shirking our Date Night.

We have endless reasons for not scheduling in a Date Night. Here are the top three...

#1  We can't afford it. Seriously, after paying for a babysitter, gas to get to town, and then dinner, we're looking at a considerable investment of family resources in order to go out each week. Instead of trying to find cheap date ideas, we tend to chuck the whole plan.

#2 We don't have the time. Like everyone, we're over committed and over stressed. By the time we get around to even thinking about going out, we're exhausted. Again, instead of looking at this time as a chance to recharge and reconnect, we tend to skip out.

#3 We take it and each other for granted. If we happen to find ourselves alone on the odd trip to the grocery store, we count it as our date. Yeah, we really do.

As Sheila Wray Gregoire over at To Love Honor and Vacuum puts it:

Your marriage is the best weapon you have in your arsenal to get through life. It is marriage that makes us feel like we can take on the world.

So why wouldn't my husband and I invest the time and money in keeping connected? It's just that if we aren't careful we take the easy way out. In other words, it's easier to take one another for granted than it is to actually and purposefully cherish one another.

Here's 3 Reasons to Stop Making Excuses and Get Out There and Flirt in Public

#1 You can't afford not to. There is too much at stake to risk losing touch. Your spouse is the most important person in your life, second only to God. At the very least, investing the time and some of your finances in a weekly date proves the priority. We value what we invest in. That can be read in two ways. When we value something we put our time and money into it. In the other sense, once we have invested time and money into something, it increases in value in our hearts and minds. We're just funny that way. Prove to yourself how much you need and desire each other by putting your precious time and money toward something you truly consider precious, each other.

#2 It's a great way to reset. Parenting, working, housekeeping all take their tole on our psyches. Life makes big demands. In order to meet those demands, you and your honey have to be on top of your game. A date is a great way to recharge your batteries. Flirting, laughing, even a simple change in surroundings and a chance to breathe without the demands of home and children for an hour or two will restore you both. You will be reconnected and better able to present a united front to the challenges of every day. Also, the break will give you a chance to catch your breath and catch up a bit. There's nothing quite like a good laugh and some hand holding to remind you of how cute that fella of yours is.

#3 It's fun! Who doesn't need the fun! The kids will tease you about wanting to go, but deep down they are excited that their parents are still in love enough to date. It's all part of the married couple dating ritual. Enjoy that, too. On the date, you will laugh. He will make eyes at you. You might even...you know. Every day you face the world together, life's a struggle. To be able to face it together, it is paramount that you also get a chance to relax and let your hair down together. He's a great guy. Take a break each week to remind yourself of how great. Have fun with that man of yours.  You won't regret it!

Here's some cheap date ideas over at Focus on the Family. I think I want to try that one where you don a fake accent for zee een-ti-yurrr date-uh!

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This has been a Wifey Wednesday post. For an even Wifey-er Wednesday, click on through to To Love Honor and Vacuum.

A Post a Day #2: Bad Fatherhood

Many of the fathers I know are wonderful at their vocation. They are firm in their self-discipline and strive to instill that gift into their children. This post isn't about them. It's about a type of father who is becoming much more prevalent in our self-serving, media saturated culture.

The other day I had an appointment with Mr. Baby and happened to witness two males who were fathers in the loosest sense possible: they'd reproduced. One man was so tethered to his iPhone that the mother of his child had to hold not only the baby's carrier but the father's hand to drag him through the office. He never even looked up. The other man parked a car and never got out of it. He let the mother of his children lug a baby carrier out of the car. To be fair he "helped" by unbuckling another child, a toddler, and setting him outside the car on the street. He held on to the boy's arm until mom came around the back of the car, but then he just let go of him. When the boy fell down, dad took that opportunity to shut his car door before the kid got up again. Dad of the Year didn't even bother getting out or even reaching down to right his child. Mom took the two children in on her own. Dad whipped out his phone before they were even across the street.

Both of these men were so involved in pleasuring themselves that they were blind to the needs of the families they'd created. Both were so buried in a false world inside their phones that they couldn't see the world around them, a world where women, the very women they shared a bed with, were struggling with baby gear and doors.

Both of these women had found and presumably fallen in love with infantilized men. What could possibly be so wrong in their lives that this type of man would be attractive in the first place, and how in the world will they cope with the fall out of such abysmal fathers for their children?

I just don't know. All I know is I see more of this type of father all the time, men who are checked out. I don't know the cause, but I usually try to end my pieces with a bit of hope or a call to duty. I'm falling a bit short of ideas here. The only thing I can think of to cure this type of failure in fatherhood is to pray. Otherwise, at least for the lives of those children I saw, the future looks grim.

A Post a Day #1: Newborn Love

Since Mr. Baby arrived two weeks ago, sleep has been scarce. We're a little used to that, but each time we go through the process, there's a bit of an adjustment and some complaining to do. For those of you new to parenting, let me pass this bit of advice a seasoned mother passed on to us when we were new parents:

Sleep is overrated and under appreciated.

You can function just fine on much less sleep than you'd think. You can also manage to get up and go when you have to. You will also realize a true sense of gratitude for a solid four hour stretch of sleep. Indeed, you will be more grateful for less sleep than you ever thought possible. Sleep is wonderful. Parenting will teach you that, if nothing else.

What does this have to do with the title, you may be wondering? 

A newborn teaches a parent so many things. First of all, he teaches you about sleep by depriving you of it. Mostly, though, he teaches you how to love. In our culture, love is understood as an emotion, a twitterpation of the hormones. In reality, love is a lot less about hormones and a lot more about deciding to love.

Parenting a newborn is like attending a parenting Boot Camp.

Parenting a newborn is parenting boot camp. Your life is suddenly transformed, you find yourself in the middle of new demands for physical and mental endurance. You've got a lot to learn in a short amount of time. You come out of those first few months transformed.

The world's best description of true love is described in 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoings but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails...

Who better to teach you patience, kindness, bearing, hoping, and enduring than a helpless, demanding newborn? This stage of parenting is tough. Your nights are endless. Each moment is likely to be interrupted by a cry. There's many a new parent who wonders what in the world have they signed up for?!

What does a newborn teach us? Don't worry so much about your feelings. Worry more about the beloved than yourself. Suffer a bit for the sake of her. Trust that this moment will pass. Trust that there is more in you to give.

Oh fine! I'll do it, but first tell me when I will fall in love with my baby! By doing all you can for him, by putting yourself second to her, you are proving your love rather than falling in it. Don't worry so much about your feelings. Those loving feelings might not come right away, or maybe they are there but you are too exhausted to recognize them. Just know that with all of the weight of your selflessness for this precious one behind it, when the feeling does announce itself to you, this love will be more intense than anything you can imagine.

Like all good loves, give it time and give it your all. Love Himself showed you how. Christ on the Cross teaches us that love is worth all you can give

and more...

No greater love than this...