Saturday, April 24, 2010

Excuse of the Week...

It's award season, and though I've been nominated for a blog award, I'm certainly not winning any Housewife and Mom of the Week awards this week.<----shameless plug

Proof I am not worthy...
I finally got the week's shopping done. On Friday. It took a babysitter to get it done, too. Not one of my better weeks. The three main reasons for the major glitch were a car antenna and potty training two kids.

The car antenna
The antenna is one of those items that I just had to "come take a look at." By a quirk of merchandising, there is no Merck manual for the sales fella to consult and tell me over the phone if he has it in stock or not. By a quirk of physics, when I actually got to the parts store (between errands and in the timeslot I usually allot for buying fresh fruits and vegetables), the odds that he'd actually have the part I needed plummeted.

Proof positive that I am a chronic multitasker:
  • 1 When the antennas in stock inevitably do not match my car, 2 I smile politely instead of informing the salesclerk that he could have googled my car as easily as he walked out to look at it.
  •  1 I mentally review the gas and time I've wasted 2 as I thank him for his time. 
  • 1 On my way back to my car to pick up my son 2 I try hard not to grumble that my time for this errand has expired in a fruitless venture. 
  • 1 As I back out of the parking space, 2 I mentally rearrange my schedule to allot time to hit another car parts store and 3 further push back the purchase of veggies (which I'm fairly certain will be in stock and will fit my menu),  4 all the while reminding myself that car part and hardware shopping are the recreational shopping of the testosterone set.
The inefficiencies built into the system of car parts and hardware purchases are analogous to the female hunt for the perfect pair of jeans. The process could take weeks.

Potty training kids
Editorial disclaimer: For those with little imagination, certain physical inevitabilities will be obliquely referenced in deference for those with good imaginations, bitter experience, and weak stomachs.

One of the items on the shopping list that actually got purchased in a mad dash to a pet store was enzymatic carpet cleaner. I made a special trip. The laundry workload has quadrupled and the wardrobe malfunctions at the Martin house have taken on catastrophic dimensions.

Speaking of catastrophes, the Martin Family method of leaving the house and getting into the car has become more colorful in every sense. To sum up the week, although we ran out of meat, onions and celery, the kids picked up some new vocabulary! My mom will be so proud!

Can we say "$&*%!!!" kids? 
I knew you could.

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