Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Wifey Wednesday: Fitting it all in

I have been having trouble getting to the blog lately. Part of it is the business of running a family. Another part has been adjusting to the new demands of being sandwiched. Part of it, too, has been the demands of summer on a small farm, but most of it has been an inability to harness the thought process.

I sit down to the computer and have been unable to string a complete thought onto the screen. The words unravel and disperse into half formed sentences and awkward punctuation that only gets worse with editing. I know what I want to say, but I can't seem to spit it out.

My marriage is often like that. I get so distracted and busy, exhausted and pulled taut that every time I sit down to talk with my husband, nothing coherent comes out. I gibber on about this issue or that problem. I spout on about half formed plans. I blather around instead of talking about anything that fundamentally matters: our family, God, each other.

It's as if the distractions of every day life can act like a virus on the relationship. Busy-ness worms its way into the DNA of the day and writes its own code there, throwing us into a fever of activity and fretfulness.

So, what's the cure? For a Catholic, the best and probably least used cure is more frequent use of the Confessional. Nothing quite resets me like a frank and honest cataloguing of my sins and shortcomings. Another rarely used cure is the strong steady shoulder of my husband. Although I depend upon him daily for everything from opening a too tough jar to milking the goat with the crooked teat (I swear he's the only one who can manage that nanny without a milk shower or a hoof in the bucket.) I rarely just reach out for him in the heat of the fray and say, "Hold me."

The man's got a great set of shoulders to cry on, I can't imagine why I don't lean on them more. Over 13 years ago I signed on the dotted line to become a partner with him, what makes me insist upon so much self reliance? Pride, I'll bet. Lack of trust? I think I need to bring that question to Confession.

I'll do that as soon as I get my man to hold me up awhile.

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