Sunday, May 2, 2010

Epic Parent Fail: Life with toddlers

Toddler A wakes. Toddler B continues nap. Toddler A initiates play. Toddler A assesses degree of puzzle difficulty and desires peer level support. Toddler A seeks out and discovers Toddler B in bed. Toddler A greets Toddler B. Toddler B does not return greeting and continues sleeping activity. Toddler A assesses situation and initiates Waking Procedure One (the close proximity stare).

Toddler B does not respond. Toddler A initiates Eye Movement Activation Mode (finger in eye). Toddler B responds. Toddler B activates Simultaneous Defensive and Offensive Maneuvers and bites nearest object (index finger of Toddler A).

Toddler A responds. Toddler A initiates crying and tattling mode.

Toddler B responds. Toddler B also initiates crying and tattling mode.

Elapsed time of incident: 2.5 seconds.
Elapsed time for parent to sprint from hallway to bedside with fully loaded laundry basket: 3.0 seconds.

Incident Analysis: Include laundry basket into workout routine to increase response times.

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